For International Women’s Day, we wanted to highlight and support some of the amazing ladies we’ve worked with recently.
We had a chat with Ellie Fox, Model; Dani Conlon, Community and Partnership Lead at The Lowdown; Shakira Scott, a.k.a Scotty Unfamous, Sexual Wellness Content Creator and Educator; and Countess Diamond, Professional Dominatrix and Sex Worker’s Union Rep.
Why is celebrating International Women’s Day important to our sex lives?
Scotty: International Women’s Day is a time for us to acknowledge, celebrate and empower women from all walks of life. It encourages conversations that we may not have in our daily lives that are essential to our existence, including ones around sex and pleasure.
This year’s theme is ‘Accelerate Progress’. For many women, sex is an area of progress, but there is still a lot more to be made. Including conversations about sex in International Women’s Day provides an opportunity to raise awareness for issues we have made strides in tackling and those we still have yet to conquer. Including advocating for sexual rights and bodily autonomy for women and girls around the globe, championing better reproductive healthcare. Plus, highlighting the amazing women making a difference in the sex industry. And removing the stigma that we’ve been taught about sex, sexuality and learning about pleasure.
Ellie: One of the values of IWD is equality. In our sex lives, a woman’s pleasure is equally as important as a man’s and shouldn’t be disregarded. Value us, respect our bodies and admire us for the glorious creations that we are.
Cont. – Why is celebrating International Women’s Day important to our sex lives?
Dani: I strongly believe that the way we engage with sex is important, as women have historically been objectified in the media (i.e. porn). So, International Women’s Day is so important as we need to encourage equality for women as well as men – especially in our sex lives.
Countess Diamond: IWD is about celebrating women and raising awareness of the inequality faced by women around the world. That inequality is even present in the bedroom with the orgasm gap, where women experience fewer orgasms in bed than men. The running joke that men don’t know where the clitoris is comes from a place of truth. The amount of men I speak to through my job who don’t have the slightest clue how to pleasure a woman continues to astound me. Women deserve to be having good sex!
What is one thing you’d like men to learn about sex to support the women they are intimate with?
Scotty: That this experience is meant to be enjoyed by both of you – Sex doesn’t end when you ejaculate. It is harder for many women to achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone, as our main pleasure centre is our clitoris, so spend some time before or after your climax to help her reach hers. Women typically take longer to reach peak arousal, so incorporating things like sensual massages and sex toys and spending a bit longer engaging in foreplay can make a world of difference. Generous lovers are the best kinds of lovers.
Ellie: Take the time to learn what your partner enjoys. Real-life intimacy is not the same as what you see in porn. Take the time to communicate with your partner; attentiveness is such a turn-on!
Dani: I want men to learn more about orgasm anxiety and put less pressure on women/and themselves to climax. Sex is not a race to the finish line, and just because you didn’t climax doesn’t mean it wasn’t good! Sometimes it’s better when you don’t.
Countess Diamond: That the brain is an erogenous zone. What’s going on in the brain plays into the sexual experience just as much as what’s going with the body. You can be touching all the right places but if your sexual partner is stressed, distracted or self-conscious then it will likely end in an anticlimax. In the same vein, you can achieve a lot with dirty talk without touching her at all. Take it from the woman who makes a career out of psychological domination!
Do you have any advice for other women and femmes trying to improve sex and intimacy in their lives?
Scotty: My biggest piece of advice to women and femmes who want to improve their sex and intimacy is to study your body. Start with the basics -learn about your anatomy and how it works. Set aside time to be intimate with yourself, from looking at yourself in the nude (including your vulva) and noticing what you like about it to help build body confidence and then exploring your entire body to see what touches you are most responsive to (toys are also great for this -hands can only do so much).
This builds sexual confidence because you will learn what you like and be able to guide your partners rather than relying on them to figure you out. Lastly, the world of sex and desire is so vast, so I implore you to explore different types of stimulating content (especially if you ever feel like you’re stuck in a sexual rut), from steamy books, provocative art, the ever-popular audio porn, to video porn (preferably ethical if you have the means). You may discover that there is something that you respond to and want to explore further in real life (or just in your head).
Cont. – Do you have any advice for other women and femmes trying to improve sex and intimacy in their lives?
Ellie: Again, communication is key! If you’re with a partner, talk about what you both like and dislike and keep it lighthearted and fun. The conversation could even turn into experimenting together and exploring what you had been discussing.
Dani: It’s a cliche for a reason, but communication IS key. If you feel uncomfortable communicating your needs or boundaries in the bedroom, you should not be sleeping with that person. Your sex life will really benefit when you have a partner you can be honest with.
Countess Diamond: Spend more time with yourself. Because of societal expectations and perpetuated stereotypes, women can be so focused on performing and what we think we “should” be doing that we don’t stop and think about what we “want” to be doing. Masturbation is selfish (in the good way) and gives us a judgement-free space to explore what feels good. Sharing this information with your sexual partner or initiating it during intimacy can feel scary and vulnerable, but it feels so much better.
Happy International Women’s Day to all! It was fantastic to hear these amazing women’s views on IWD and sex & intimacy.
If you’d like to read more about these lovely ladies, check out our previous interviews with Scotty Unfamous and Countess Diamond.
