Bondara knows that health is wealth and knowledge is power. So, we sat down with @ScottyUnfamous to talk about sex education and living your best heaux life.
In this enlightening interview, we discuss sexual shame and how it feeds into misinformation, social media’s effect on sex education and the biggest myths that need busting.
Read on to discover how good your sexual knowledge is and where you might need to do some extracurricular reading. Plus, which Bondara sex toys Scotty loves!
Please tell us a bit about yourself!
My name is Shakira Scott, aka Scotty Unfamous, and I’m a multi-award-winning romance author, Sex-fluencer and educator. I wanted to come into this field and speak about sexuality from the perspective of someone who looks like me but also to do it less politely. Initially, everyone was worried about how they approached sex because they didn’t want it to sound too raunchy. People feel like they can’t take you seriously cause it doesn’t sound medical. But not a lot of people know what medical terms are.
I want to deliver sex education in a way that’s fun and relatable, and a bit candid. I also teach Sex Ed to teens in colleges, and I’ve been on the TV and the radio, working with great companies like Bondara. It’s been really, really fun.
How did you get started in sex education?
I started on YouTube back in 2010, but then I was just talking about general lifestyle stuff. From there, I got into erotic writing, and it really took off. I was originally posting it on Facebook, and then a drama company came along and told me they wanted to make it into a play, then we made the web series, and that did really well too, and it ended up in Teen Vogue and Complex. It made me realise, ‘Oh okay, maybe I can do this for real.’
There was a company looking for a sex toy reviewer, and I thought because I’m so bloody charming, ‘I’d be a great sex toy reviewer cause I already speak about sex and I’m funny’. I did my application and was so confident… and then I didn’t get the job. Naturally, I don’t like being told no, so I decided I was just going to do it myself. And here we are!
Along the way, I’ve learnt more and more about sex. I was always interested in sex, but in a nerdy way, like I would go into bookshops and sneakily read the Karma Sutra. Once I got into the field and started communicating properly with my audience, I found out how much people don’t know. People started coming to me in my DM’s saying, ‘Oh, I loved how that writing made me feel. I’ve never seen someone speak about sex the way you do. It’s raunchy and elegant.’ Being a bit of a caricature, I ran with that! I say ‘live your best heaux life’ and things like ‘pussoir’.
What made you want to get into sex education?
Let’s be fair… We’ve all had crap sex education. It was very much ‘This is a condom. This is a vagina. You’ll get pregnant if you don’t use this. Also, here’s STIs and the period.’ It was so crap, and now we see a plethora of sex education available on all social platforms, and there’s so much stuff that people need to learn. It’s not enough to give people the basics. We need to talk about consent and coercion. Female pleasure is something we were never really taught about, and now we have the orgasm gap!
The more conversations we have about sex, the more educated people will be about having good sex. Otherwise, people turn to porn, and that does not work… That’s not realistic. I feel like I have a responsibility as an influencer to educate, even if someone thinks it’s a bit wild. Yeah, it is, but you guys do these things, so let’s talk about it! So you can do it safely and be informed.
How do you think social media has changed the way we talk about sex?
I think it’s had mostly good benefits, but obviously, there are going to be some negatives. I think it’s great that we’re having more conversations around sexuality, consent, health and safety, and even stuff like periods. It’s so much more accessible, and it’s much more in-depth. You can learn to be a better lover… online! Before, you had to know where to go to be informed.
It’s the 2nd wave of the sex positivity movement. It’s opened up so many conversations where so many more people can feel comfortable and feel empowered in what they’re doing, and they don’t have to go far to look for it. At the same time, you also have a lot of misinformation out there as well, which means young people now don’t have to go to porn to look for the wrong information, it’s on their feeds already. It perpetuates the things we’re trying to get rid of.
“I feel like sexual shame is at the crux of most of those confidence issues. Everyone is scared of being judged.”
Scotty Unfamous, @scottyunfamous
It’s hard trying to battle with platforms to get proper education out there. There are lots of school curriculums that skirt the basics still, or parents that don’t want to talk to their kids about sex but don’t want them to get an education from anywhere else. It didn’t do them any good, not knowing things, so why would you not let them get an education? I understand that they’re children and you get to choose how they learn things but I don’t think it’s okay to cut them off completely. So, if they can find a place where they can learn stuff, even if it’s just the basics of how their voice matters and that people should communicate how they feel and their boundaries, then there should be a space for that.
Has it been hard getting that kind of education out there?
People that are doing sex education work have to censor themselves to stop content from getting removed, for example, Bondara has a teddy bear, so you don’t get censored by TikTok. We have to try putting stuff in a way that doesn’t get us in trouble but also teaches things clearly. When ‘KinkTok’ first popped up, they were all talking about choking and having rough sex and with the whole ‘e-girl’ aesthetic, it made it seem cute to do all these rough things. There are always trends in sex, but some of the trends that were starting just because they’re aesthetically pleasing are really dangerous. It makes you question, ‘Do you actually enjoy that?’. It’s okay to like missionary sex done gently!
Platforms like Instagram are trying to push us away and telling us to make our own spaces. There are separate platforms out there, but mainstream audiences don’t feel comfortable going to those places, and if they do, they tend to keep it to themselves. Whereas if we put it on mainstream platforms, we’re normalising those kinds of conversations. I think it’s really about finding the balance and educational pages being given a bit more leeway. Like sex workers being given the same liberties as people like Kim Kardashian would be given if she posted her arse. There are a lot of double standards. You can talk about sex only if you’re really famous but otherwise, shut up, you’re blocked.
As a Sex Educator, what do you get asked about the most?
Mostly, I get asked about confidence in the bedroom. Questions like, ‘How can I get comfortable? How do I communicate?’ or ‘I don’t feel sexy, how do I get back to that feeling?’ and ‘I want to spice things up with my partner, but I’m scared of their reaction’.
With younger people, when I’m going to colleges, they’re very different! This Gen Z… They don’t tend to ask as many questions. They have so much access to resources, so they ask when is the right time to start having sex and things like that. The last time I did some courses, a lot of them really were more focused on their studies. Like ‘Who has time for sex? We’re focusing on our education. Let’s make money!’ That’s the main difference I see. Younger people want to know when’s the best time, but older people tend to ask about confidence.
Scotty’s Favourites
My favourite Bondara vibrator is the Tap That! I found it so innovative! Since I’ve been in this industry for a while, I feel like you see a lot of similar things. It’s fully flexible, and it’s tapping instead of vibration or suction, which is so different. I haven’t seen anything like it before! So, I tried it, and I loved it. One of the main things that made me love it so much was because of the flexibility it stays in place. It makes it more ergonomic, and you can use it hands-free, which makes it much more accessible. I always try and include that in reviews I do of sex toys.
I also love the Cupid’s Arrow; my first glass toy. It prompted me to learn about glass sex toys and Temperature Play (learn more about Temperature Play in our handy guide 😉 ). It’s a whole new material to try out and get used to. Plus, it’s just so pretty. It reminds me of Sailor Moon!
What about things you enjoy talking about?
I really enjoy talking about removing sexual shame. I feel like that’s at the crux of most of those confidence issues; Everyone is scared of being judged. Often people will say, ‘I’ve not had an orgasm, how do I have one?’ and I feel for people with vulvas because there’s been so much stigma and taboo surrounding our sexuality, there’s been no focus on what they want. If they have explored their own pleasure, then maybe their partners aren’t as open-minded, and they make them feel weird about it. So, I regularly say, ‘Everybody is disgusting!’, whatever you think is so terrible, I guarantee you it’s probably nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I used to work at this adult TV station as a content moderator, and I learned a lot of things from that job! When I’m talking to my followers about stuff like, ‘Oh, you feel weird ’cause you want to be choked. There are people that want to do this.’ So, you’re fine, whatever you like is fine.
I regularly like to do polls talking about things. One of the most popular ones that I did, we were talking about monster dildos, and the recommendations came in droves! Everyone was talking about reading monster erotica and recommending books, and people were saying, ‘Why is this secretly turning me on? I didn’t know I would like this. This is so strange.’ There’s a whole world out there. Everything you feel strange about, someone is into.
Are there any topics you feel really passionate about within sex education?
I want to take it back to the baseline and talk about what our vulvas look like. It’s always been a conversation that’s been ignored and shamed. I often recommend a place called the Vagina Museum. They have all these postcards and displays that show you all the different vulvas. I can make it sound cute, like it’s a snowflake or a fingerprint; Your vagina is not supposed to look like everybody else’s.
Also, with my slogan being ‘Teaching you to live your best heaux life’, It doesn’t mean you need to go out and have loads of sex with loads of different people, and it doesn’t mean you have to be a nun. Whatever it is you enjoy and desire, all I’m trying to do is facilitate a space where you feel comfortable to explore that and have the freedom to change your mind whether you want to do more or less. Know that whatever your decision is, as long as you are safe and you are happy, and you’re not hurting anyone, including yourself, it’s okay. Unless you’ve consented to someone hurting you, that’s also fine!
“Everything you feel strange about, someone is into.”
Scotty Unfamous, @scottyunfamous
What’s one of the biggest sexual myths you want to bust?
I really want people to be more aware of what’s in ‘Fem Care’ products and that they’re not actually good for you. I’ll have people asking me about Yoni Pearls, and I’m like, ‘What the fuck is a Yoni Pearl?!’. There are these balls full of herbs that you stick in your vagina that apparently get rid of all the gunk and dirt. First of all… That’s just discharge that’s collected, and why are you putting herbs into your fanny? You’re not cooking a meal!
Unless a doctor has told you to do something, there’s no reason for you to get these products. So, one of the biggest myths I want to pull down is that your vagina is supposed to smell and taste like fruits and flowers. Your vagina just has to be healthy. You don’t need to slather it in oil and glitter and stick things inside of it. Someone that eats pussoir knows what it tastes like, what it looks like, and what it smells like. They know what to expect, and they like it!
Get okay with yourself and understand the difference between your healthy vagina in comparison to when you have an infection or when something is wrong. I just want people to be comfortable with their fannies.
How do you think women being part of the sex industry and the sex positivity movement has changed it?
I think it’s brilliant. It’s what we needed. It’s like rain after a heatwave. Our perspective being put into sex not only benefits people with vulvas, but it also benefits people with penises because we’re able to teach how we actually enjoy sex. It’s refreshing because a lot of us are so put off porn because it’s so… It platforms a lot of violence against women. It’s also just not that aesthetically pleasing, it’s not enjoyable to watch. With things like Dipsea and Quinn and other forms of erotica, the romance industry has always been huge. Women have always been into porn, we just like our porn prettied up a bit.
When we go into the whole thing of mindful sex, audio erotica allows space for that. With someone speaking that way, they’re actually building a scene. I know in porn, they try and make it have a story, but it’s really bad acting. Now, these erotica apps are getting professional actors, the quality level is going up, and the aesthetics are going up. Personally, I love audio erotica. I think the word for it is an audiophile, but I’m into sounds. So, I regularly encourage my followers to check it out cause it’s a different medium to explore.
I think women being in the conversation has vastly improved it, especially in the education field. If you look at things like Endometriosis and PCOS, that conversation is coming up a lot more, and so many women were misdiagnosed and had their symptoms fobbed off. And it’s like, ‘No, loads of you might have this condition.’ These conversations are happening because there are more women in the field. I think it’s really beneficial, and I think it’s only going to strengthen and improve the field of sexuality and sex education.
We loved chatting with Scotty, and we hope you enjoyed reading this fabulous interview. If you’d like to hear more from ScottyUnfamous, then snag yourself some tickets to her latest event here! Check out the detail below.
