The Rabbit Vibrator

Easter, that time of the year renowned for passion, is the perfect chance to celebrate the world’s favourite rabbit. And no, not that sweet, big eared fucker that comes in the middle of the night delivering chocolate goodness to over-excited fat kids; we mean the sexy, big eared fucker that delivers orgasmic goodness to over-excited adults who come in the middle of the night.

As it is Easter, we could go scrambling around for tenuous links like offering free miraculous returns after three days but instead, what better time to big up Bondara’s best friend. After stealing the title of world’s most recognisable rabbit from the likes of Frank from Donnie Darko and Babs, Bugs Bunny’s awkwardly attractive side kick, the Rabbit Vibrator is now the first rabbit on every woman’s lips.

Early Arousal – Rabbit Vibrator

Sex toys themselves date back further than you would imagine when dried camel shit was shaped into a phallus and used to pleasure the incorrigible charlatan who invented it. This would lead me believe that the first ever porn movie made would have had the title, ‘Two Humps, One Cock’, which would only be slightly revised in future movies. From this preposterous manure penis, sex toys developed, and how. We still had to endure the medically developed, hand cranked vibrator that apparently cured women of hysteria, and the frightening steam engine fucking machine that looked like an over elaborate, erotic kettle but all these prototypes paved the way for what we eventually have today. 

Unable to brand their products as official sex toys, the canny Japanese sex industry found a loop hole in their adult toy labelling laws. They intelligently went all cutesy and named their sex toys after semi-domesticated animals. This in turn sparked an interest from a US company who ditched the other penetrating pets and concentrated on reworking The Rabbit. Product fiddled with and finalized, and following a lot of air time on the TV show Sex in the City, four middle-aged, sexually frustrated socialites became the unintended marketeers of the Rabbit Vibrator and sales soared.

Put the Bunny Back in Your Box

Hailed as a revolutionary sex toy and a triumph of modern-day masturbation, the Rabbit contains multiple features not previously seen in adult toys. Designed to simultaneously stimulate the clitoris and penetrate your vagina, it left women everywhere groaning. It has the capacity to elevate orgasms by massaging the inner walls of the vagina, with some varieties so outrageous that they flaunt rotating bands of pearls on its shaft, while its vibrating bunny ears drive your clitoris wild.

The Rabbit Vibrator is a silent thriller hitting all the right spots in almost complete silence, like some sexy, soundless vagina sniper. Atop the glorious shaft is a bulbous head for a real feel cock impersonation that, upon insertion will have you furiously biting your pillow. With your vagina feeling incredible sensations deep inside, the insatiable multi-speed vibrating bunny ears will cause orgasmic chaos around your clitoris. This is not your usual sickly, hollow Easter treat that you will discard mid-consumption – it is the indulgent ascension towards filthy days and filthy nights of irresistible temptation that you will not want to pass-over.

It is hard to fathom that our love for solo sexual satisfaction stems from frustrated ancient caveman or cavewoman getting erotically experimental with the steaming poo of the so called, ship of the desert. And centuries on we have come full circle where we love nothing better than introducing the rabbit’s ears to the camel’s toe. But this Easter, we salute our mischievous ancestors who, as we now know, were the real sexual pioneers and just as freaky, and sexually expressive as we are.

So, in honour of our randy predecessors, go and ravage your Rabbit and turn your Good Friday into a Great Friday.

1 comment
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