In a fast world, wellbeing experts are encouraging us to ‘slow down’ and practice mindfulness to live a more fulfilling lifestyle – and sex is no different.
Like yoga and meditation; scientific research shows that sex is more satisfying when you’re in-tune. But to achieve this, sex should be looked at from a spiritual perspective.
You may have heard of the ancient practise of slow sex that is Tantra, meaning “to weave energy” and to “unify“.
And the modern principles of sexual mindfulness are much alike; by elevating mind-body consciousness for a greater connection to the self and your lover – You can have incredible intimacy and outstanding orgasms!
So, open your third eye to these 10 tantric tips for recentring your sex life to supercharge your erotic energy!
Get Out of Your Head (And into Bed)
Let’s get real, we’d love our sex lives to mirror the confidence of our favourite adult performers – But truth be told, that’s just not realistic. And even they’re putting on a show…
The truth is that most of us have experienced some extent of sex-related anxiety at points in our lives, and that has the tendency to put a serious dampener on our ability to get off.
Getting down to it when you’re not able to get into the right frame of mind can sometimes feel performative, and sometimes rushed.
But as one of the most natural forms of pleasure, stress relief and human connection, we owe it to ourselves to get our bedroom manoeuvres right!
It’s Your Biology, Baby
You’re certainly not alone, but the most common distractions to good sex are insecurities about our sexual fantasies; intrusive thoughts about bodily hang-ups, concerns about sex drive, worries about level sexual experience, or even doubts about our ability to negotiate a functioning sexual relationship.
Inevitably, this mental strain during sex sets off a stress reaction in the body. And so in direct opposition to your good time, the fight-or-flight reflex is triggered – Taking you into your head and out of your bod’…
Biologists say that this bodily stress response limits the blood flow to our guts and genitals – Eek! And as a result, this reduced circulation to your lovin’ organs dramatically decreases sexual arousal; impairing erectile and self-lubricating function – A.K.A. Killing the entire vibe!
But we assure you – Sex needn’t be a stress-fest… When proactively managed, we’re much more likely to overcome this unwelcome stress response and experience a deeper, more gratifying sexual connection. Phew!
Not only does the heightened mind-body effect of sexual mindfulness chill you TF out. On a biological level, in fact, the deep relaxation produced by meditation opens the arteries that supply blood to your sexy parts; supercharging your body for incredible sexual engagement.
Mind-Body Magnificence
So, if you’re a pillow-based overthinker, then sexual mindfulness is the antidote to your sexual wobbles because it (naturally):
- brings you back to the present moment, away from your worries
- builds a deeper connection between you and your partner
- increases your sex drive
- maximises your orgasmic potential
- turns back the clock on your sexual relationship for that honeymoon feeling all over!
But like yoga or meditation, or any fulfilling mind-body discipline for that matter, mindfulness do take a lil’ practice…
Sure, focusing intently on what you’re doing doesn’t sound like a complicated instruction. But for those of us (or, most, let’s be frank) who’s thoughts have wandered to that work email or forgetting the milk during sex, know only how easy it is to become distracted.
But, the key is not to be judgemental of these intrusive thoughts. Be compassionate with yourself and allow them to pass through, as you return and refocus on the sexy experience at hand. Or, as experts suggest, try replacing the intrusive thought with a sexy thought from the wank bank every time your mind slips toward the mundane. Et voila!
Indeed, with regular practice, sexual mindfulness is set to supercharge your senses for unforgettably hot and sensual sex.
10 Secrets for Sexual Mindfulness – A Simple Guide
1. Introduce meditation into your daily routine
Sit quietly to meditate on your own for 15-30 minutes per day and focus on your breathing. Newbies can experiment with meditation with the help of an app such as Calm or Headspace. Learning to focus on your breath, the moment, bodily sensations and your environment will make it easier to transfer your newfound mindfulness habit to the duvet!
2. Set An Intention
Brainstorm and define what you want to get from sexual mindfulness. Whether it’s to have a better orgasm, feel more comfortable in your skin, or achieve a deeper connection to your partner.
3. Masturbate!
Focussing on your breathing and the self-soothing sensations of a solo sesh’ can really open you up to your pleasure; in the moment. A mindful wank with a great new sex toy, or your own two hands, can reveal valuable sensory information about what makes you tick and helps you to reconnect to your body. But don’t make it a race to the finish line! Slow down your strokes and soften the way you play to indulge in every sensation. Solo play doesn’t always have to be about achieving orgasm as quickly as possible! Take your time.
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4. ‘Body Scan’ With Your Partner
Lay, sit, or stand back-to-back and mentally scan how your body feels from head to toe, noting any parts that feel tense or relaxed. Focus on the points of contact between you and your partner, and factors such as texture, pressure, and temperature – these stimuli are things you will want to pick up on in the heat of the moment, too!
5. Eye Contact is Important
One of the easiest ways to experience a heightened connection to your partner and exist in the moment is via the eyes. Practice eye contact before sex by sitting face-to-face with your partner. Gaze into their eyes for three full minutes (Yikes!). Try not to talk but allow yourself to giggle and feel uncomfortable at first – Being vulnerable with your partner is key to opening up.
6. Communication is Crucial
Have each of you write down what turns you on and share with each other for a steamy show and tell. This not only provides excellent info to your partner on how to satisfy you (and vice versa), but it gives you the chance to take stock, make sense of, and explore what gets you hot – Something you may have taken for granted…
7. Utilise ALL Senses
Keep your eyes open during kissing, at least in the beginning, to admire their features close up. Taste their kiss – or try adding delicious flavours such as mint, chocolate or strawberries! Inhale the scent of your partner’s skin, hair and breath – These are choc-full of pheromones to drive you wild! Explore their body and face with touch. If you’re a butt lover, then give it a squeeze, or focus your fingers the mouth and jaw while smoochin’ for an unforgettable kiss. Lastly, listen in to the tactile sounds that you and your partner are making for an insanely hot soundtrack to sex. Phwoar!
8. Talk Up a Storm
Step up your confidence game and actually express what you enjoy while you’re enjoying it! When we discuss our pleasure with our partner and give them praise and appreciation, it makes them want to do it more and it builds invaluable intimacy and trust. Moaning is great, but have a go at verbalising exactly what you like about your partner’s technique for incredible dirty talk!
9. Explore Kink!
Channel open-mindedness with fetish and BDSM for a stronger sexual bond (pun intended!). Relish power exchange role play as you submit to your partner with a blindfold or restraint system. All of this vulnerability will set the scene for serious sexual transformation! Plus, the slow and intentional act of bondage using cuffs, a flogger, nipple suckers and a ballgag, or graduating to blindfolded sensation play with dripping candles, feather ticklers, and aromatherapy massage oil will be an orgasmic feast for the senses.
10. Try ‘Slow Sex’
Experiment with slow and intentional sex where one person is the ‘giver’ and one is the ‘receiver’ and simply concentrate on slow erotic touch. Training your mind and body to slow down, in the moment, not only improves mental focus but also enriches your sensory awareness; helping you to realise certain touches you might not have known you liked or sensations you hadn’t noticed before!
Adding a few extra pleasures to your erotic repertoire is only going to boost your satisfaction for incredible intimacy.
– Good luck!
