If you’re affected by mobility challenges, sex toys can be an empowering essential to keep sex accessible!
We joke about our toys being our best friend, but everyone deserves a fulfilling sex life no matter what. From wearables with remotes, to pleasurable aids, meet some toys keeping intimacy accessible for everybody and every body.
Sex and disability is one of those extremely individual things and there’s no ‘one size fits all’ answer. Some of these suggestions may work for you but be totally useless to someone else. The key is to remember intimacy is not defined by your ability.
Versatile Vibrators
Massage wands are a gift to the sex toy world; however, their weight and bulky body can become difficult if your hands’ mobility is limited. Vibrators that are posable, like Flexi Pleasure, offer great versatility without compromising on sensation. Meanwhile, compact finger vibes are an affordable option that feel like a natural extension of your hand. If you still have your heart set on a wand, look for models with offset handles and rounded ends that you can grasp like a gearstick – these are easier to hold than a typical straight shaft.
Vibrators aren’t just for vaginas either! Held or stroked against your dick, vibrating masturbators provide constant stimulation that can trigger an orgasm without haveing to become fully erect. If you need a completely hands-free experience, items like the Vibe Pad turn any seat into a sex toy. Held in place by your body, there’s no penetration, only pressure, making the slightest movement pleasurable.
Erection Enhancers
A 2019 study found that 1 in 10 men in the UK experience erectile dysfunction (ED) or premature ejaculation in their lifetime. In cases where it can’t be treated with medication, penis pumps are often recommended. While these are great when it’s hard to get an erection they don’t always help you stay up. Cock rings gently trap blood flow in the erectile tissue to help keep you firmer and delay climax for longer lovemaking. While usually made of silicone or rubber, metal cock rings (metal and glass toys in general) are also ideal for anyone who has sensitive skin or prone to allergic reactions.
If you live with a loss of sensation there’s still priapic potential for you! Similar to hollow strap-ons, cock sleeves can accommodate an erect or flaccid penis, and are usually textured inside and out to make it pleasurable for both you and your partner.
While anal play might not be everyone’s cup of tea, it’s worth keeping an open mind to it. Your prostate is an incredibly sensitive bundle of nerves, and a little P-spot stimulation is pleasurable on its own. Prostate massagers vary as much as dildos and vibrators, and when they come with remote controls you can experience a constant, hands-free massage. If you’re interested in exploring this avenue, check out our anal pleasure guide,
Problems with Penetration
Sex isn’t defined by penetration, but if it becomes a struggle it can be a frustrating disappointment. Whether triggered by menopause or vaginismus, tightness (and not the fun kind) is a genuine and sometimes painful problem. Graduated dilators help train your vagina to more easily accept penetration. It’s not a matter of stretching but normalisation, and if you involve a partner or bullet vibrator it can be an intimate experience too.
If you have difficulty moving your pelvis but still want penetrative experiences, a thigh strap-on lets you have face-to-face intimacy with a partner. Likewise, a thrusting vibrator, whether handheld or with a suction base and remote control, allows for intense simulated sex at a fraction of the price of a sex machine.
Make the Most of Your Bedroom
Dodgy knees, bad backs, and funny hips, we all eventually need a little support to enjoy ourselves. While marketed as bondage equipment, bringing a sex stool, sling, or swing into the bedroom can be a practical tool to keep passions alive. For example, a stool’s springy elastic straps takes the weight off your joints without restricting access to your partner or a toy. Depending on your sex goals, an over the door sling or sex swing may be better for you. Let them take the strain of a sex position, so you can focus on enjoying yourself.
The way we look can affect our confidence, so get at least one piece of sexy lingerie to feel fabulous in. There are endless options, but not always easy to get into. A good starting place is anything that opens from the front, especially with a simple slide clasp that’s fastened as easily as it’s undone.
Okay, these aren’t technically accessible sex toys, but they put the bounce back in the bedroom without pushing your limits.
One last thing…
We tend to get caught up on sex being this sweaty, energetic, activity. To misquote the Mandalorian, this is not the way! When you find yourself overwhelmed by pain, illness, or fatigue take that as an opportunity to connect with yourself or your partner by exploring what still feels good. In these moments, you’re not just maintaining closeness (yes, even with yourself!) but laying foundations for future pleasure.
Whatever your limitations are, there’s always advice and sex toys to help. In the end, everyone deserves the sex life they want.
Want to find out more?
Check out our interview with Disabled_Eliza & TheChronicIconic where we discussed all things representation, accessibility, and disabled sexuality.
Enhance the UK is a UK charity working to challenge perceptions of disability and sexual expression. They host the Love Lounge where experts offer free advice on all things sex, love and disability.
Arousability is a website leading frank discussions about quality of (sex)life for those living with chronic illness and disabilities.
Hedonish is a sex and relationship coach, and sex toy reviewer living with chronic illness.
If you have any concerns about your sexual health, you should go to a Doctor or health care provider. Brook provides advice so you can learn more about your sexual health needs and helps you find services in your area, including NHS clinics.
