It’s National Threesomes Day on the 3rd of March, so Bondara’s here with the do’s and don’ts of multi-person sex so everyone has the best time!
So, if you’re dreaming of a ménage à trois, read on to learn how to make sure it’s an amazing erotic experience and not an awkward moment you’ll want to forget…
Right, I should say that this list will NOT include how to find a third or unicorn, or anything about how to organise threesomes. This article is just about to make sure you’re threesomes are fantastic! Now that’s out of the way, let’s get to it!
DO: Explore threesomes because you want to!
This seems like a simple point, but don’t have a threesome to impress your partner or because your relationship is struggling. Getting involved in a threeway should be something you do because YOU want to, whether you’re in a relationship or not. This is why we always hammer home about how important communication is to your sex lives.
You may find, by having a discussion with your partner, that they’re open to having a threesome, but they have reservations. Now, you should never convince someone to do anything sexual because then it’s not consensual. However, an integral first step is talking through their worries to ensure you’re all on the same page.
Having concerns around jealousy, performance anxiety, fantasies not living up to reality or even just not being sure if you could do it ‘right‘ are all very valid. Have a chat and see if these can be addressed. But at the end of the day, if your partner’s not into it, then don’t push.
DO: Get to know the people you’re sleeping with outside of the bedroom.
I’d recommend having at least one buffer date with all three participants before you sleep together. Some people are capable of jumping right into bed but, especially if you’re introducing someone new, it’s a good idea to get to know each other first properly.
Organise to go and get coffee, spend the afternoon together in the park or even have dinner! Treat it like a standard date and use the time to get to know each other on a personal level. This gives you all the time to establish that you do, in fact, all want to have sex. Plus, it’ll make your intimacy even better. If you’re all comfortable, this can also be a great place to have a conversation about likes and dislikes outside of a sexual situation as well.
DO: Remember Protection!
When I say protection, you might immediately think of condoms, which is an excellent place to start! With more than two partners involved, it’s important to make sure you’ve got all your bases covered. Have a discussion about which forms of protection everyone uses and is comfortable with. This can include dental dams, birth control, and even vaccinations to protect against things like HPV or medication like PrEP to offer enhanced protection against HIV.
Regular STI testing is also a good habit to have, regardless of the number of partners. You can pop to your local sexual health clinic or use home postal services like SH24 to get tested before you just jump into bed together.
DON’T: Cross any boundaries you’ve set.
With any kind of sex, it’s an excellent idea to make your boundaries clear before you get started. If you’re unsure where to start because you’re not 100% sure of your likes and dislikes, I’d recommend having a look at our Yes, No, Maybe list. This is also a great way to approach to discussing boundaries, as some people can feel uncomfortable talking about sexual things straight out of the gate.
Once you’ve established those limits, keep to them! This will prevent any post-threesome regret, but it’ll also make sure you have no issues with consent. It might be tempting to try something new that you’re sure your partners will love during the moment, but if you’ve not asked, don’t do it. It’s also worth setting up a safeword so there’s an easy way for participants to opt out of an act or stop everything altogether.
DO: Enjoy seeing your partner experience pleasure.
Jealousy is probably the number one thing people worry about going into threesomes. “Is the third going to be better at sex than I am?” must be one of the most worried about things when trying group sex for the first time. Spoiler Alert: There’s no right way to have sex! Instead of thinking of it as an us and them situation, think of it like a tag team or the three musketeers: you’re all working together.
However, for some, the act of seeing their partner having sex with someone else is the appeal of a threesome. This is called Cuckolding, and while the term tends to refer to men, women can enjoy seeing their partner get fucked by someone else too.
DON’T: Focus on one person’s or your own pleasure too much.
Threesomes are a team activity! You all need to get involved to make sure you all have a great time. If you fixate too much on your own pleasure, then nothing will get done. Unless there’s a clear fantasy of one person’s, e.g. two men taking care of one woman, then a good rule to follow is to focus on everyone else enjoyment but your own. Then, if everyone else is thinking about the other’s pleasure, it will overlap, and everyone will experience some fun. It’s like Venn diagrams but with orgasms!
If this isn’t your first rodeo, I’d also recommend using sex toys during group sex too. That way if someone does want to just sit back and watch, then they can still get off. They can also be used to increase stamina or to tease from a distance.
If you want more in-depth advice on choosing toys for group sex and threesomes, then check out this blog we did! Below, I’ve put a couple of our top options for introducing toys during a threesome so no one feels left out of the fun.
Our Favourite Sex Toys for Threesomes
DON’T: Expect threesomes to look or feel like porn!
It does depend on what porn you’ve been watching! But we know that generally, sex is nothing like the fantasies filmed for adult movies. If this is your first time having a threesome, then expect things to stop and start a bit. It doesn’t matter how much talking you’ve done; sometimes, things can just go wrong and feel weird.
While for some, it might feel amazing to have more than one person involved, others might find it slightly awkward at first. Sex is a vulnerable thing, and so the more people are looking at you, the more strange it can feel. Once you get accustomed to all eyes on you, you’re bound to feel more comfortable and relax into fantastic intimacy.
DON’T: Just leave afterwards…
Once again, let me say it louder for the people at the back, COMMUNICATE. Once you’ve cleaned up, washed off and settled down to relax afterwards, have a conversation about how the experience was.
Some of the most constructive conversations can happen afterwards. So, for the benefit of everyone involved, talk about what you liked, what you didn’t like, and what else you might want to explore with your partners. Something you did before that completely rocked their world, they now might not like.
If, for any reason, you didn’t have the mindblowing time you thought you might, express those feelings, just try not to be critical. However, don’t write off threesomes completely because of one bad or less-than-great experience. Just like anything else, sex included, practice makes perfect.
Now we’ve passed on our bountiful knowledge so you can enjoy a good ol’ threeway! Comment below with your funny stories about threesomes, group sex or opening your relationship.
Andy
February 29, 2024 at 5:30 pmMade many good long life friends swinging
Jeff Teacher
March 2, 2024 at 8:18 amAll of the advice is totally correct we have had a threesom and found it very enjoyable because we were 1) all comfortable with eachother 2) we had discussed together what we wanted and 3) there was no jealousy just enjoyment with a shared experience. So make sure you’re all on the same page and enjoy. Oh and yes practice makes perfect so do it again and again if you like it ☺️