We’ve teamed up with the lovely people at Brook, the UK’s leading sexual health and wellbeing charity, to bring you advice about introducing couples’ sex toys to your partnered intimacy.
So, whether you’re unsure how to broach the subject with your partner/s or you’re exploring together, this article will help you feel more confident bringing sex toys into the bedroom!
Getting Started
So you want to use sex toys with your partner/s? Well, the first thing you need to do is have a conversation. There’s one surefire way to scare off your S.O., and that’s by whipping out a big box of sex toys unprompted!
As always, any discussion about sex should be done in a neutral setting. While it might seem logical to talk about sex during sex, this can just come off as a criticism of their performance. You want this to be a productive talk about exploring sex together.
Don’t just launch this kind of topic on your lover unawares; Try to bring it up naturally! We suggest asking your partner if they’re comfortable discussing your sex life. For example, “I’ve been thinking, and there are some things I’d like to explore during sex.”. Once you’ve gotten over the initial hurdle of talking (and you’ve not surprise attacked your partner with a dildo!), then you can suggest the idea of introducing sex toys.
However, if your partner is unsure or uncomfortable, it’s important not to push them because sex toys aren’t for everyone. Communication is vital to a good relationship, and it’s okay for you to say no if you’re not interested. Let’s remember, CONSENT IS SEXY!
Why Should You Use Couples’ Sex Toys?
Now you’re both on the same page, and you want to bring out the toys! But, don’t forget, they aren’t there to replace anyone; Your partner’s interest in using a sex toy isn’t a reflection of your abilities in the bedroom! Toys are used for lots of different reasons, from medical conditions to plain ol’ curiosity. No matter how good you are in the bedroom, you can’t do everything all at once. So, why do couples use sex toys?:
- Curiosity – Sometimes, it’s just fun to try something new! If you love using your massage wand for masturbation, why not use it as a fun addition to sex with your partner?
- Exploration – Using sex toys can allow couples to explore new kinds of stimulation that they might not otherwise be able to experience. For example, your partner might want to try double penetration, so using a butt plug is a great way to give it a go!
- Increasing Intimacy – Couples’ sex toys are great for focusing on each other’s pleasure. While orgasm isn’t the sole goal of sex, playing with toys allows you to figure out the kind of stimulation your partner wants and needs to reach climax.
- Accessibility – For some couples, certain kinds of sex may be off-limits due to accessibility needs and preexisting conditions. If this is the case, sex toys can help all kinds of couples have rich, pleasurable sex lives. Read more about accessibility and sex toys here.
Keep ‘Em Clean
Keeping your toys clean is an important step in ensuring good sexual health, both as an individual and as a couple. Below are a few cleaning tips, but for a more in-depth guide on sex toy care, have a read here.
- Clean after use – Spritz your sex aids with a toy cleaner, rinse and dry before popping them in a storage bag. Storing toys properly keeps them in tip-top condition for when you need them and stops materials like jelly from sticking to each other.
- Ensure there’s no damage – Tears, scratches and chips can harbour bacteria no matter how well you clean them. This is also another great reason to use storage bags; They can help prolong the life of your sex toys.
- Don’t pass them around! – You should be as careful with your toys as you would be with your intimate areas. Take the proper precautions, like a thorough cleaning, before sharing your sex toys with a partner or partners.
- Use condoms for penetrative toys – Condoms will protect against the transfer of any germs that could cause STIs. Change them each time it’s used on a new person or areas of the body, e.g. Anus to Vagina.
Couples’ Sex Toy You Should Try
Start simple when introducing sex toys. You could have used them individually before, but the experience can be very different as a couple. Once you’re both comfortable with the inclusion of toys in your lovemaking, then indulge in something more complex. We’ve picked out some bangin’ basics for you to start your journey.
Dildos
One of the most recognisable sex toys out there, dildos are an excellent introduction to sex aids for couples. Find the ideal stimulation for you and your partner and experiment with size, texture and density. Use as part of foreplay, mutual masturbation or for exploring double penetration.
The Smooth Operator is perfect as a first dildo for those looking to explore penetrative pleasure. Its unintimidating size, super-flexible, curvy shaft, and bulbous head work to target all your erogenous zones. Made completely from silicone, this beginner-friendly dildo makes hygiene a breeze with a spritz of sex toy cleaner.
Cock Rings
Used as a natural aid for conditions like ED (erectile dysfunction) or just to give your boner a boost, cock rings are fantastic sex toys to have around. Providing a slight squeezing sensation that delivers impressively firm and long-lasting results, these stretchy rings are made from PVC or silicone.
The Screw You set of three cock rings comes in a range of sizes, allowing for a gradual increase in pressure. Wear it alone at the base of your penis, or stack the rings around the cock and balls for a more intense impact.
*If you’re new to cock rings, we recommend wearing them for 5-minute bursts till you’re used to the sensation. Don’t wear them for longer than 30 minutes, and ensure you get the right size. It should feel similar to gripping with your hand and should NOT be painful.*
Bullet Vibrators
Introduce more good vibes to your sex life with a bullet vibrator. These pocket-sized pleasure products allow you to ramp up stimulation across your lover’s erogenous zones. Plus, these simple vibrators adapt to your play style, so novices are able to start slowly and work toward more intense functions.
This Remote Bullet Vibrator features ten settings, including three speeds and seven patterns. The perfect little vibe for your bedside or backpack, take your orgasms on the go.
Ideal for foreplay; Why not slip it into your underwear for an adventurous date night? 😉 Use the remote to tease your partner from afar and get them worked up before the main event.
Massage Wands
If you’re already familiar with sex toys or you want something with a little more power, massage wands are the way to go! With large vibrating heads, flexible necks and rumbling motors, work out your partner’s knots for blissful relaxation like never before. Choose between mains powered and rechargeable to suit your bedroom needs.
Discover intense pleasure with the versatile Mon Amour Wand and G-spot vibrator. Boasting eight patterns and six powerful speeds, this 2-in-1 massage wand will bring you and your lover relief whichever way you use it. Focus the potent vibes for a sensual massage, or use the curvy G-spot-seeking end for internally simulating satisfaction.
10% of sales from the Mon Amour Burgandy 8 Function Wand and G-Spot Vibrator will be charitably donated to Brook!
Head to Brook’s Sex Toys and Aids page to learn more about including sex toys with partners!
Want to learn more with Brook?
Brook is a national charity supporting people with their sexual health and wellbeing. They offer a range of services to support their mission of helping people to live healthier lives. Their unique offer combines clinical services, relationships and sex education, outreach in community settings, wellbeing programmes and counselling. Their life-course approach to sexual health and wellbeing means that people can benefit from their holistic services at any stage of their life.
If you ever have any concerns about your sexual health, you should go to a Doctor or health care provider. If going to your GP seems intimidating, visiting a sexual health clinic like Brook’s is a less formal way to get help and advice from their incredibly knowledgeable staff. Use their find a service tool to locate your closest clinic, including Brook and NHS services.
