Couple’s Corner: The Orgasm Gap

You can’t judge a sexual relationship by your orgasm count. However, studies reveal that straight women are climaxing less than their male partners during sex.

With a pornographic focus on penetration, sexperts blame the ‘orgasm gap’ on a lack of cultural cliteracy. But couples must put their finger on the button for better mutual pleasure.

Bondara is calling time on bedroom inequality. So ladies, stop faking it. And guys – pay attention! Take our class in clitoral competency for a fairer playing field…

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Mind the Gap

Shrouded in mystery, the ‘legendary’ clitoris and its orgasmic properties have long been relegated to myth and confusion. Still, it’s high time we lifted the hood for a closer inspection…

According to research, 39% of clit-owners achieve orgasms through masturbation with external stimulation, i.e., rubbing or applying vibrations to the clitoris and labia.

However, a study by Durex reveals that 3 out of 4 women don’t usually orgasm during sex, whereas only 2% of men don’t always climax. So, where do her orgasms go when a penis comes to party?

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Are You I-Cliterate?

The clitoris is a sensitive part of the genitals that sits at the top of the labia, and its primary job is pleasure!

Sure, clits are usually much smaller than penises. Still, they are similar in many ways, possessing a shaft, a hood (like a foreskin), and ultra-sensitive glans (akin to the bell end and frenulum, AKA F-spot). 

Yes, we’ve all heard someone lamenting their struggles in finding the clit, but, just like an erect penis, aroused clitorises grow by 50-300%! So, there’s no excuse 😉

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Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma’am!

When it comes to heterosexual sex, Sexpert Laurie Mintz PhD blames women’s relative lack of orgasms on a cultural focus on male pleasure and the unrealistic expectations that come from porn. She states;

“I am not blaming penises for the orgasm gap, nor am I blaming the men who own them. I’m also not blaming the women who have sex with the men who own them. The orgasm gap is a cultural problem.”

Laurie Mintz PhD

According to Durex, more than half of women prefer clitoral stimulation during sex. Still, Mintz explains that the screaming performances we see in mainstream porn have done us dirty. Consequently, women learn to prioritise the elusive ‘vaginal orgasm’ to meet unrealistic pornographic expectations instead of the readily available clitoral climax.

And on the flip side, guys too are misled by porno that serves as a false education via visually stimulating penetration scenes that skip the clitoral play necessary for their real-life lover’s pleasure.

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Fake It till You Make It

Interestingly, 25% of men think that women reach climax easily during sex, so let’s be honest, ladies! Have you ever faked an orgasm? Studies reveal that ‘faking it’ is a common practice because we prioritise our man’s satisfaction.

But for the benefit of straight and bisexual women everywhere – Stop pretending and start prioritising your pleasure!

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Closing The Gap

Let’s face it, it’s impossible to have an orgasm while in a state of anxiety, but many women have body-image issues or are self-conscious during sex for a variety of reasons. Reaching orgasm requires you to be in the moment (see: Slow Down With 10 Tips for Sexual Mindfulness) and few of us have mastered this in our day-to-day lives, let alone the bedroom! Tending to our sensual needs by creating an atmosphere where we feel relaxed and ready for pleasure is crucial.

However! Candles aren’t going to get that clit flicked, honey! So, honesty, open communication and education are key. Try mindfulness when masturbating so you can reveal your technique to your partner later on.

Perhaps you prefer manual stimulation, a bullet vibrator, a clitoral stimulator or even his tongue. Be ready to explore and share your sensual side through open dialogue, and he should be happy to oblige!

Sure it can be a little embarrassing if you’re not used to asserting your needs, but it’s good practice, and he’ll want to hear it because, well, sex is involved. And once you’ve shed any blushes, sex-talk with your partner can be a pretty hot experience, plus it’s amazing for emotional intimacy – the foundation of incredible partnered pleasure.

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Clit-Saviours for Couples

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