Skipped your workout? Turn that gym into a sex dungeon and get ready to sweat, a 30-minute sesh could help you burn a cheeky 85 calories. So get warmed up, do your stretches (very important), and read on for our top tips to make your training tantric.
Sexy Essentials
Before we can hit the gym and kill some cortisol, we need to grab our gear. These are workouts you won’t want to do with the spare kit from the lost and found…
UV Sex Toy Sanitising Pouch and Storage Bag
Got your gym bag? Don’t leave your kit out where any gym hog could pilfer it.
Just a short 5-minute cycle will sterilise your sex toys with powerful UV LED technology.
Discreet and using a USB-C cable means you can take it practically anywhere. It can even sanitise everyday items like your phone (you’ll have to clean your own browsing history though).
Bondara Man Sporty Backless Brief
Never workout without proper support – the only cake allowed in this gym is your behind!
These bare-all briefs will certainly distract the competition with a perky peek-a-boo.
If blue isn’t your colour these cheeky briefs also come in pink or black.
No one likes chaffing, protect those nips with some stylish pasties.
There’ll be no nip slips, these will cling to your chest by their self-adhesive backs.
If you’re feeling brave, you could work out with nothing but these on. It’s certainly a way to cool off when the training gets intense!
Get Pumped Up
Simmer down size queens, let’s not run before we can walk. Or gape before we can grind. Let’s get warmed up and teased out before upping the intensity.
BangOn Curve Sex Position Cushion
Not everyone can hold a ‘Scorpion Handstand’ for ten breaths, let alone ‘Reverse Helicopter Counterblow’ for 15 thrusts.
Bespoke for bonking, the curved edges of this sex cushion rocks with you to make every thrust effortless.
Don’t overdo it, let the ergonomic design help you reach new heights (or rather depths).
Stimulating Penis Pump with Massage Sleeve
Stretching increases blood flow, you know what else blood flow is important for? That’s right, rock-hard rods.
This pump is pretty special. Not content with a powerful pumping chamber, the inside is textured to titillate and massage your love muscle.
Plus, with measurement marks along the shaft you can measure your progress like a true pro.
Secret Stash Jiggle Balls – 83g
Work that core! Forget your abs, flex your pelvic floor and keep things tight and right between duvet drills.
This set is great for kegel newbies; petite and easy to insert, the free-roaming internal balls jiggle for slow, sustained arousal that tightens and tones.
Delivering gentle stimulation at every step, results soon scream for themselves with astounding orgasmic returns.
Smash Your Foxy Fitness Goals
We don’t do leg day here, every day is hump day. Time to take things up a notch, get hearts racing, blood flowing, and shatter those stress hormones.
Pink Rotating G-Spot Dildo Vibrator
Let’s get some squats in and loosen up our hips with some bonus G-spot gratification.
This powerful dildo provides ten levels of vibration with rotation and a rippled shaft for incredible pleasure. Take your workout outdoors, the strong suction base means you can ride this anywhere. Plus, it’s harness compatible, so don’t be shy to ask for a spotter.
Ready for some cardio? The ‘Orgasm Mode’ feature gives you an intense burst of leg-shaking satisfaction to finish your staggered (staggering!) set.
Okay, ass-letes, you’ve got some stamina training to do. This complete kit will help you go from amateur to anal acrobat!
Work your way across three plugs of graduating width, each smoothly shaped and tapered to make training a piece of cake.
It also includes an amazing anal vibrator and silicone douche for cumplete confidence and comfort.
Sex Marathon Set Of Five Cock Rings
Make it a marathon, not a sprint! Push harder, longer, and break your rogering record.
These stretchy cock rings are designed to bolster your baton by keeping blood flow beneath your belt and delay climax for peak penetrative power.
With five to choose from, you can wear one or stack them for increased resistance. Go the distance and impress your teammate(s) with a new personal best.
Go For Gold!
Keep on humping cumpetators, ready for the next level? Not for the faint-hearted, these stretch goals are for the fitness freaks.
Vibrating Bullet Nipple Clamps
It’s not just runners who push through the pain to reach a high.
Lightly weighted bullets will tug at your tips, making your nips more sensitive to every twist and squeeze. Turn on the vibrations for irresistible stimulation and orgasmic results.
Deliciously pleasurable and delightfully painful, these nipple clamps are a great starting point before moving on to something heavier.
Hot Hardware Bottom Heavy Butt Plug – 348g
Barbells, kettlebells, weight plates, sure, they give you bursting biceps, but what about bumper buns?
Sleek and seamless, this hefty metal butt plug will test your grip strength. Cold, hard steel provides quite the sensation while the weight will bear down on your booty.
You’ll get firm internal fulfilment from this sphincter stretcher and satisfaction with every clench knowing you’ll soon have buns of steel.
The Goliath Monster Dildo – 11.5 Inch
We even do extreme sports here. Get the ultimate adrenaline rush with the biggest challenge.
Push your holes to the max with our girthiest dildo for a serious stuffing. An eye-watering 3.5-inch wide endurance test with a champion’s reward of unrivalled stretch once you’ve conquered every veiny inch.
This monster will need some serious training to tame. Until then, it can double up as a free weight!
Don’t Forget Your Cool Down
Those feel-good endorphins should be racing now! End on a high, you deserve it – you’ve worked hard, now cum hard.
Cooling and Tingling Lubricant – 100ml
Grab a post-workout treat – nothing beats a rub down… or rubbing one out.
Packed with cooling ingredients, including menthol, this long-lasting lube will revive every tired tendon with a shocking tingle.
We know you were watching that bouncy blonde/beefcake (maybe both) on the treadmill, you might as well use that wank bank.
You’ve felt the burn, now feel the buzz and wind down your session with a massage for those spent muscles.
This versatile vibrator offers internal and external stimulation with 10 pleasurable functions to cycle through.
Plus, it’s completely waterproof, so can you take it straight into the changing room showers.
From jerkoff to jock, trade in those protein shakes for earth-shattering orgasms. It’s easy to be a health nut when workouts are this enjoyable.
Now go get sweaty!
*This was written by someone who hasn’t stepped in a gym in… well, a while, so take our fitness advice at your own risk.
