Good communication is the key to great sex; That’s a fact. Learn what your communication style is as we explore all 5 languages of love and give advice for the vanilla and kinky so you can truly speak from the heart.
So, keep reading to learn what makes your partner tick and how you can communicate your want to incredible climaxes.
So What Are the 5 Languages of Love?
We’re going to get into these varied communication styles and walk you through how understanding how you talk to each other can affect the ways you can get down and dirty in the bedroom. The 5 languages of love are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
Communication is one of the essential parts of having true intimacy with your partner. So, it makes sense that you should understand how you and your lover articulate yourselves in day-to-day life so you can thrive in your nighttime activities 😉 5 Love Languages has a quick quiz that’ll allow you both to understand each other better and, by extension, know what your partner could be craving during sex but might not know how to tell you.
But, it should be noted that this isn’t an alternative to actually talking to each other about your wants, needs and desires during sexy times. While generally referred to in the context of BDSM, having a conversation with your playmate about what you’re interested in exploring should be done in all relationships. You’re much more likely to have fun together if you’re certain of your actions and how your partner feels.
However, if you’ve been struggling to have this conversation for a number of reasons (shame, inexperience etc.), we think this a great way to get the ball rolling!
1. Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are often associated with verbal expressions of love, appreciation and encouragement. So, this could be you if you like to hear phrases like “I love you” or “I’m proud of you”. If this is your partner’s love language, it doesn’t mean you should just start throwing these phrases around. They have to mean from you to mean something to them.
- Start by: Opening up and talking about sex! As mentioned earlier, it can be hard for people to talk about their sex lives, even if they’re pretty active. If you’re looking for a way to get the conversation started, then we recommend playing a sex game or whipping out sex coupons! Not only will this help build the anticipation of what’s to come, but they are great for breaking this ice if either (or both!) of you are nervous. Just imagine the sexual tension of finding a sexual I.O.U from your partner and having to wait all day to experience it.
- Kink it up: Once you’re both more comfortable expressing what you want in bed, then it’s time to get more vocal. This can take all sorts of forms, from quite literally just being more vocal with things like dirty talk (trust us guys, she likes it when you moan!). However, even if you’re very comfortable telling your partner exactly what you want to do to them, you might struggle with the actual… talking part. Never fear! Words of affirmation can also be written down, so leave your partner little love notes or send them dirty texts to build tension throughout the day.
2. Quality Time
Quality time is all about dedicating yourself to someone and giving them your undivided attention. This could be you if you feel disconnected from your partner when you don’t spend time together or you feel it’s important to make time for others.
- Start by: Making time for each other! Now, this doesn’t have to be sex. It could be a date night where you go out for dinner or an evening in watching a film together. The important thing is that you’re spending time, without distractions, with the person you love. This will create a better sense of unity and, therefore, more harmony in the bedroom. Have you both got busy lives but want to spend more time with one another? Why not schedule sex?! The anticipation of that time put aside just for you will make it even more exciting.
- Kink it up: Now, if you’d like to spend more time together but you can’t for any reason, app-controlled sex toys are the way to go. Maybe you’re travelling for work, or your job requires night shifts? Well, app-controlled vibrators allow you to take charge of your partner’s pleasure and spend time together while being apart! There’s no reason not to be intimate now.
3. Physical Touch
Physical touch is probably the most obvious love language. You’ll know if you like physical touch from your partner, but this doesn’t just apply to sexual intimacy. It can mean instead of verbally saying “I love you” to your partner, you hug them or hold their hand. Ask what kind of contact your partner likes, and what makes them feel reassured, then implement it.
But remember, like with all of these, you shouldn’t be doing these things just cause your other half likes them; you should be doing them because you mean it.
- Start by: Warming up! While your partner might like being touched, deliberate physical contact creates closeness. Show them that you want to touch them because they’re desirable to you! A great way to do this is with a massage. So, turn the lights low, light some candles and use massage oil to turn up the heat or find some relief. You’ll get to know your lover’s body and responses better, plus it’ll get them loosened up for extended play.
- Kink it up: By including Impact and Sensation Play. Once you’ve got the blood flowing through your playmate’s muscles, take advantage of that heightened sensitivity with a spanking session or Wax Play. This is another way to increase physical intimacy with your partner by using deliberate touches while you gauge their reaction. You can also use this to explore other fantasies together, like Dom/sub dynamics.
4. Acts of Service
Acts of service are referred to as selfless tasks done to make another person’s life easier. Many people struggle to ask for help, so knowing your partner well enough to do things without them asking will mean a lot to them. This might mean doing the bins or the laundry and contributing to housework without needing to be asked every time. However, this means something a bit different for sex.
- Start by: Doing research! Remember, we said you should talk with your partner about their wants, needs and desires? Well, this is where you’ll need it. Through that conversation, you might have discovered that there’s something you’d both like to explore together. So, go away, read some erotic books and then go back to your O.H. with that knowledge of exactly how to deliver them the ultimate pleasure. It’ll mean a lot to them that you’ve taken the time to sort everything without them lifting a finger.
- Kink it up: Tie them down! Depending on the dynamic, people who get off from giving pleasure rather than receiving can be known as Pleasure Doms or Service Tops. So, if your partner has trouble prioritising their own satisfaction, try using bondage like rope and tape or handcuffs and spreader bars to keep your playmate in place while you go to town. Or, add a blindfold into the mix, so they have to focus on just how good they feel rather than anything else.
5. Receiving Gifts
Receiving gifts is a lot more than just buying stuff… though that does play a part! Often times people whose love language is receiving gifts just like getting tokens that show you’ve been thinking of them. For example, you’ve gone and done the food shopping and picked up their favourite snack. Or, you went away for work and got them a tacky fridge magnet of where you visited. Gifts don’t have to be big and extravagant, but they should show that you care and know your partner’s taste.
- Start by: Knowing what they love! If you know what they like, you can buy the perfect sexy gift. Check out their wish list, take a look at the sex toys they already have and have that all-important conversation about what you both want to explore sexually. It’ll make the difference between an impeccable gift and an okay gift.
- Kink it up: Sit down and go through Bondara together, see what tickles your fancy and seize the day. Take the time to get the ideal tools for the job with our huge range of over 4,000 sex toys, our extensive collection of bondage and fetish items and gorgeous lines of lovely lingerie for men and women of all sizes! Not only will you learn about each other, but you’ll also have the anticipation of a big box of goodies coming your way so you can shower your lover with affection.
Everyone expresses themselves differently, but hopefully, now you and your partner understand each other a little better, and you can communicate your way to climax!
