Punishment Fetish – From Tame to Extreme…

Some people out there in the big wide world have a fetish for being lectured or punished for ‘misbehaving’. Such people will have sexually submissive tendencies and a desire to be punished by a dominant partner.

I’ve heard stories of people who are so desperate to be chastised or beaten, they’ll do absolutely anything to aggravate their partner until they react in an aggressive manner. A male friend once told me he was in a relationship with a woman who was very submissive and got her kicks from severe punishment. Although he himself was sexually dominant, he wasn’t dominant to the extreme extent that she liked.

The girl would pick fights over nothing, physically attack him and even fool around with other guys until he became so angry he beat the living daylights out of her. After the beating, she’d be bruised and in a lot of pain…but oddly satisfied. He, on the other hand, felt incredibly guilty for beating the woman he loved. But, at the end of the day, he knew that it made her ‘happy’.

So, if your partner is into punishment and discipline, in what ways can you chastise them?

Here is a list of ideas going from fairly tame to very extreme…


Eye-Contact Restriction

Forbidding your sub from making eye-contact with you can be isolating, intimidating and belittling.


Insisting your sub kneels at your feet really emphasises your position of power. You can also request that she/he get on with a ‘job’ whilst down there.


Black and white photo of girl kneeling tied up in rope


Spanking Over the Knee

Spanking over the knee can be light and playful or pretty damn painful – depending on the intensity of your slaps. This position of child-like punishment will emphasise your authority.

Domestic Chores

Some submissives actually get their kicks from domestic servitude – so the next time your sub is acting up, send them to clean the toilet.


You can restrain your sub with rope, straps, chains, a belt, a tie or even furry handcuffs. Once they’re secured in position you’re completely free to do as you like to their body.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse might not sound harsh enough to be this far down the list, but some insults really sting and can play on your mind for a long time! “Bad girl” and “naughty boy” are playful and hardly offensive, but “you’re a disgusting pig”, “why would anyone want to fuck you?” and “just the smell of you sickens me” can be pretty hard to swallow.

Sensory Deprivation

Sensory deprivation can be as basic as a blindfold – but it can also be a full sensory deprivation hood with all sound, light, smell and taste restricted. After a couple of minutes this can be pretty intimidating and disorientating.


Retro style black and white photo of submissive woman blindfolded in latex underwear on kitchen counter


Spitting in their Face

A guy spitting in my face is something I’m really not a fan of. It’s dirty, demeaning and can really take you by surprise. For added affect, insist that your sub open their mouth before you gob a warm and slimy load in their face.

Orgasm Denial

Orgasm denial isn’t painful or degrading but it’s certainly very frustrating. Bring your sub to the point of near-orgasm and then take stimulation away. Repeat this again and again and they’ll be clawing the walls with frustration, begging for you to let them cum.

Caning / Flogging / Whipping

As with spanking, caning, flogging and whipping can be fairly tame or very painful. A cat o’ nine tails whip can leave your sub with multiple lacerations and a cane will sting like hell!

Cage your Submissive

I was once given the choice between being caged for 20 minutes or beaten and I CHOSE THE BEATING. I guess I’m claustrophobic as the thought of being trapped and unable to move, escape or communicate scared the hell out of me! Just the thought of going 20 minutes without any mental stimulation was terrifying. No cages for me!


Again, choking can be light and playful or it can be aggressive and scary! If you’d like to try erotic asphyxiation, remember – you’re restricting blood flow to the brain to create a feeling of light headedness. You are not pressing down on the windpipe. Limiting a person’s ability to breathe is not sexy and can be very dangerous. Even practicing asphyxiation the “correct” way is considered edge play and is very risky. Do not hold your sub’s neck for more than a few seconds.

Anal Stretching

Anal stretching, if done properly, shouldn’t be painful – but it is quite an overwhelming feeling and degrading. Start with fingers and build up to bigger sex toys. Always use plenty of lube.


Golden showers are a bit of a no-go for most of the general public but if your sub has been especially bad try dragging them into the shower and peeing on them.


Submissive woman on floor looking scared as cattle prod is near her



Okay, I’m absolutely not telling you to lead your sub to the nearest plug socket, give them a metal fork and tell them to stick it in – that’s how you kill people. What I’m talking about here is electric sex toys (such as the ElectraStim range), electro pads or even a cattle prod. That will certainly give them a sting they won’t forget.

Heavy Beating

Lastly, heavy beating. You have to be into hardcore BDSM to take punishment to this level – but if that’s what you both want then so be it. Just remember that heavy beating can lead to broken bones, damaged organs and permanent disfigurement so don’t go too far!


That’s all for this week. Please remember that all BDSM play should be carried out between two consenting adults over the age of 18. You must always have a safe word so that the sub may signal at any time for the punishment to stop. What’s more, edge play should not be considered if your sub has a pre-existing medical condition. Always start lightly and build up to more intense punishment, so long as your sub can take it.

Play safe!

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