Get ready to learn the basics of slap and tickle with our handy guide to impact play!
Full of tips and tricks to get you started and help you stay safe as you explore sexy spanking.
Keep reading to learn how to incorporate impact play in your bedroom fun and which tools are best for your tushie…
What’s Impact Play? Why should I try it?
Ever given your partner a cheeky smack on the bottom when things got hot and heavy? There you go, you’ve got a head start!
At it’s mildest level, impact play is just that – little spanks that spice up foreplay and play with power dynamics. Make it more intense and you’ve got the start of a cracking BDSM scene. If you’re the Dominant the control and discipline will appeal to you, but for submissives it’s about being spanked. Pain and pleasure are closely connected in the brain and heighten sexual responses, making touches more tantalising. It also triggers a rush of adrenaline and endorphins, which can result in a natural high, not dissimilar to a runner’s high!
The possibility of greater pleasure and deeper intimacy is too good to pass over!
If you want to get kinky with it, impact play is the most accessible BDSM discipline for newcomers. All you need is your hand and a consenting partner. Once you’ve got some experience below the belt you can start bringing all sorts of toys in – but let’s not get ahead of ourselves!
Be Safe Before You Play
Whether you’re a full-time kinkster or exploring impact play for the first time, let’s be sensible. Spanking is a sexy ‘fun-ishment’ but it’s still hitting someone, here are some basic steps to keep you safe.
Have you:
- Agreed on a safeword in case things get too intense? You may need to establish a nonverbal queue, such as a gesture or a noise maker, like a squeaking toy.
- Got a first aid kit to hand? An icepack or some cooling aloe vera is good for tender bums, but it’s best practice to have basic wound care (latex gloves, antiseptic, sterile dressings) on standby.
- Set out your aftercare needs? I’ll expand on this in a bit, just make sure it’s arranged before starting.
How Do I Do It?
So you want to be a hit in the bedroom. Luckily when our Bondara ladies spent the day with Madame Caramel, a professional FemDom and BDSM educator, she walked us through the basics of spanking and flogging.
First, have the submissive get into a position that’s comfortable for you both. Over the knee is the go-to pose for this sort of play but don’t feel bound to it! If you’ve got a smaller bum lying face down on a bed or being stood might be more your style otherwise, you might stretch your natural padding too thin.
The golden rule for impact play is to aim for areas of the body that have a good layer of protective fat or muscle. Places where the skin is thinner, or are over important organs are a no-go for anything more than a few light taps. However, joints and your neck should be avoided entirely.
If you’re just starting out I would recommend sticking with the good ol’ booty. Sex therapist David Ortmann has a top tip for hitting your target; have your partner wear a pair of underwear that covers their cheeks and aim to spank the clothed area. This will keep you away from the base of the spine, avoiding unnecessary pain.
Anyway, back to the fun part!
Lightly curve your palm, keeping your fingers together, exactly like a good applause. This will keep your hand and sub safe, as well as provide an oh-so-satisfying clap.
“Do some light spanking and get the blood flow going,” Madame Caramel instructed us, “make sure you watch for their reaction and adjust accordingly. Never just go for it.” You can build intensity and frequency as you play, but starting gently and alternating cheeks keeps a session going. Focusing on one spot will be painful, so don’t forget to intersperse with some gentle rubs and touches.
Ideally, your ‘scene’ will end before anyone has to tap out from pain or exertion. Agreeing on a number of smacks and counting as you play is a way to manage this, plus it can heighten the eroticism of your experience!
Introducing Toys
“I always try toys on myself to understand what the submissive feels,” is the advice Madame Caramel gave us and having dabbled with paddles, I agree with her! There’s two types of pain associated with impact play toys – ‘stingy’ and ‘thuddy’. A sting is a surface-level pain, while a thud resonates deeper. A general rule of thumb, though not universal, is that the larger the surface area a toy has, the more ‘thuddy’ the pain.
It’s also a good idea to work on your aim, especially if you’re using a flogger where it’s harder to control. We got to practice in a leather-decked dungeon, but if you don’t have sex bench “practice your aim on a pillow, or even a teddy bear.”
Now, take the steps from spanking and apply it to your toys. Start slowly, alternate locations and break up spanking with gentler touches. You’re not wielding a toy to wale on your partner like a piñata, toys provide additional sensations and textures to explore. Tickle with the tails of a flogger, use your paddle’s smoothness to soothe, just have fun teasing your submissive!
Spankers, Floggers, and Paddles, Oh My!
You’ve warmed your sub up with your hands, and now you’re eager to open the toy box. But so many to choose from?!
Black Silicone Paddle – 14.5 Inch
For newbies a spanking paddle is the easiest to get used to. The wider surface area distributes a smack’s force evenly, and the handle helps land each blow on target.
Featuring a textured and smooth side, this paddle is a great BDSM basic to tease and punish with. Its forgiving flexibility means bottoms can bounce back, but it can still deliver a severe sting when you wants to.
Rule Me Wooden Spanking Ruler – 15 Inch
Wooden spankers are firm favourites of kinksters who like their smacks to touch down with a thud!
This narrow spanker is sure to satisfy some schoolday roleplay fantasies. You’ll certainly rule over the bedroom and give their peachy cheeks a lesson in obedience.
Super Soft Vegan Leather Flogger – 15 Inch
Faux leather is a fun flogging material as it’s soft to the touch but can still deliver a serious lashing.
The velvety tails are great at stimulating the senses when you trail them over your partner, either as a way to build anticipation or tease pinked skin.
Black Silicone Flogger – 16 Inch
Floggers with longer tails are a little harder to control but with some practice (on a pillow!) you’ll soon be moving them to the top of your drawer.
Don’t let its sweetheart handle fool you, with thin silicone tails each blow leaves a lasting sting that will whip your submissive into shape.
Retribution Lace Up Riding Crop – 23 Inch
A Doms iconic toy, riding crops bring the sting of a flogger with the ease of use of a paddle.
The long stem gives just the right amount of flex with every impact, and faux leather tip pinpoints your sub’s punishment for a deviously seductive BDSM session.
Luxury Spanking Cane – 24 Inch
This is definitely for seasoned spankers! Such a narrow body means all the power of your swing lands at single point.
The sound of it swishing above your sub is certainly enticing before you swing it down with a glorious slap.
Don’t Forget Aftercare.
Impact play can be a lot to process, especially if you’re new to it – this applies to the spanked and the spanker! Aftercare is what it sounds like; care that’s performed after your session to help wind things down and let everyone involved decompress.
For those taking the Dominant role, it’s likely your submissive will be sore. Make sure they’re okay, get them a snack to help level out the natural high from pain (a bit like getting a biscuit after donating blood), and offer to apply some soothing lotion. It’s a good idea to have some chocolate on standby for Doms too! Despite consent, it’s still hard to cause physical harm to someone you care about. This is where discussing the experience can help lighten that emotional demand, as well as give you both a chance to review what was enjoyed (or not) and what you’d like to try again.
What kind of care you’ll need is different for everyone and it’s best practice to establish what you both want beforehand.
So ask your partner to strike a pose and practice your tennis swing, you’ve got the know-how to make an impact in the bedroom.
Leave us a comment if you’ve been inspired to try impact play, or share your tips for fledgling floggers.
And don’t forget to clean your toys!
