5 Dos and Don’ts for Swinging Newbies

There’s a lot of overlap as both swinging and polyamory are kinds of ‘open relationships’. However, what differentiates the two is the number of people, the location, and the emotions involved.

A swinging couple will likely be in the same room but having sex with others (sometimes together). There’s more of an emotional connection within ‘polyam’ while swinging can be a bit more casual – think ‘good friends that fuck’ as well as hook-ups. Some poly couples will also be swingers, so don’t fret!

We assume you and your partner have discussed this and are eager to get started. But if you still need that conversation, stop reading and talk! There’s no room for misunderstandings when jealousy could permanently damage your relationship.

Are you a sex party or sex club couple? Maybe a swingers cruise is more your scene? You both need to be on the same page and establish any limits. For example, if you’re having sex with the same person, but one of you isn’t enjoying it, do you both dip out or is the other allowed to continue?

Hosts will usually make sex toys available, but it’s considered good practice to bring your own. There’s no guarantee there will be enough to go around! Plus, you might feel more comfortable using your own toy; for example, if you’re particular about knowing a dildo hasn’t been inside an anus before you use it.

Likewise, most venues will have lube and condoms on standby, but it’s never a bad thing to bring your own – especially if you have any allergies or require larger/smaller than average sizes.

It’s like dating: hop on an app like Quiver and put yourself out there! Swinger sites like Kasidie and Swapfinder.com are fun places to explore local options. Newbies are always welcome, but remember, you don’t have to say yes. Not everyone is going to float your boat, but keep things friendly – you never know who you might meet at a munch!

If the thought of shagging in the middle of a party makes you drier than rough sauv blanc, inviting a couple back to yours or a discreet hotel is an exciting entry point to swinging. Sexy games like Path to Pleasure and Let’s F*ck! are a frisky way to break the ice.

You might think a swinger’s party would be the place for gimp masks and latex, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. On a typical night, most people wear regular clothes and sexy lingerie. Pick an outfit you’d feel comfortable wearing to a nightclub or bar, and that’s easy to slip off.

It’s best to leave your fetish clothing for themed parties or BDSM devoted groups. Opt instead for fetish accessories that can subtly communicate your kink friendliness, like a collar or harness knicker.

Two common misassumptions amongst newbies are: a) that anything goes, especially at a sex club, and b) you have to have sex with everyone. Plenty of people go to watch; you don’t have to hook up. That said, if you have any fantasies you want to try – e.g. if you’re male in an M4F relationship but are curious about other men – swinging is a great way to explore.

Unlike dogging, swinging doesn’t automatically mean ‘Free Use‘ for touching. So, ask before touching and don’t join in group play without permission. Some clubs even have an “ask once, and only once” policy that if you ignore, you could get thrown out or banned. It might feel like a parody of asking something to dance, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll feel.