What is subspace, and how do you get there? Stigmatised and under-researched, could this phenomenon be healing and therapeutic?
To be able to understand Subspace, you have to know about the submissive element within BDSM. If you’re dominant in the bedroom, keep reading… you’ll be able to pick a few tips and tricks along the way.
Luckily, your in-house sub is here to explain all you need to know 😉
What is submission?
Submission falls under the umbrella term BDSM, aka. Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism. It is the consensual act of yielding to a consenting dominant.
Submission is one of the less conventional sexual practices. The choice to ‘hand over control’ can be achieved through bondage practices, being edged, following commands, being flogged/whipped/spanked, verbally/physically humiliated, temperature play, and so on.
Trust plays a massive role in the successful sub/dom dynamic. Open communication, safe words, and highlighting hard limits can all help curate a safe, intimate environment that encourages pleasure and self-exploration.
Nobody should make you feel uncomfortable for not doing something that you don’t want to do, both sexually and non-sexually. A genuine dominant will not push you past your limits and will respect your boundaries.
So, what is Subspace?
Subspace is a sought-after and rare experience for submissives. I liken it to the physical and neurological phenomenon of flow state. You know that feeling you get when you’re so engrossed in a task that you don’t realise how much time has passed? It’s meditative, which is what subspace feels like to me. After doing some research, a study conducted by Sagarin and his colleagues in 2015 confirmed my experience. Their findings show that the sympathetic nervous system becomes activated, releasing epinephrine and endorphins, which were responsible for my feelings!
Many people, submissives and researchers alike, describe subspace as an altered state of consciousness. The thinking part of your brain that is constantly yapping gets a little rest. In fact, on fMRI, researchers can see less activity in this part of the brain—the prefrontal cortex. I can confirm that you feel less stressed, more relaxed, and an uptick in general horniness.
There are two ways to get to the subspace. One is through those nonconventional practices, such as impact and temperature play, as discussed before. The other is to be more self-aware while using unorthodox rules in an agreed-upon sexual script or preplanned consensual scene (think of the movie Secretary, from 2002).
The endorphins that the body produces during these types of sexual scenes can produce a powerful natural high. Subspace can also allow people to process emotions, which is why some of you might cry after a strong climax.
Wait, why don’t I know about Subspace?
If you have been a part of the Kink/Fetish community, you will have come across some interesting and cruel opinions of the scene. Unfortunately, due to conservative values, BDSM communities are still heavily vilified and misunderstood due to persecution by popular media and the lack of rational education. Because of this, funding is often reserved for alternate areas of science, so there is little research on the subspace phenomena and its therapeutic applications in safe, intimate, and respectful relationships. Ironically, recent findings show that sexual masochists are generally psychologically healthy (Dahan, 2019).
How to find Subspace
Figure out what makes you ‘O’. This goes for both people with male and female genitalia. Do you prefer internal stimulation or external stimulation? Do you like being called a good girl/boy, being spanked, called a dirty little slut, forced to beg, or made to crawl around? How about being handcuffed, edged with a vibrator over and over until you can’t think; how about being told that you’re not allowed to masturbate for a week?
The best thing about Subspace exploration is that you get to try out lots of different things with your sexual partner and explore together. Subspace might not happen for everyone, just like the flow state doesn’t. The point is that you get to explore safely, bringing you and your partner together in a different way.
Check out our sex positions blogs to get some fresh inspiration for angles. There’s no shame in admitting you don’t know everything and doing some research; I certainly do not understand most sex-related stuff, but I am lucky that my job allows me to do these things.
Exploring one’s sexuality is excellent fun and empowering, especially when you stumble upon an activity that resonates with your body and mind. It is possible to enjoy both ‘vanilla’ sex and BDSM practices, being a top and bottom (aka. a switch) or a dominant as well as a submissive. Remember to communicate, explore, and, most importantly, have fun!
