Shakespeare may have had his sonnets, but we’ve got the sext. The perfect material for masturbation, great for long distance relationships and – most of all – fun, there’s nothing quite like it. The foreplay to your foreplay, explore your fantasies and discover what really turns them on as you bring dirty talk to your fingertips.
Fortunately, sexting isn’t rocket science, but there are a few key things you should bear in mind. We’ve racked our brains to give you our top dos and don’ts. A few horror stories and triumphant tales later, here are your six steps to sexting…
It’s the Little Things that Count
If ever there’s a time to proof-read your text, it’s now. You don’t want to ‘duck’ them (however persistent auto-correct may be), so take the time to ensure your message is legible.
Punctuation is key. Exclamation marks and full capitals can take your text from sexy to over-bearing, so remember the three S’s: smooth, seductive and subtle. Unless you’d be screaming it in their face, drop the exclamations.
To emoji or not to emoji – that’s how it goes, right? It pretty much comes down to personal preference but, if you’re unsure, leave them out. Although there’s no mistaking the hidden meaning of the aubergine and peach, they’ve become so popular they’ve lost their sex appeal. No-one blinks an eye if they see an aubergine emoji pop up on their Twitter feed, so it’s a good idea to keep it off your sexts. If you’re talking about their dick, don’t be afraid to just say ‘dick’. Not only is it way sexier than ‘I want to suck your *aubergine*’, it also shows confidence – and we all know how attractive confidence is.
Timing is Key
Test the water before you send a NSFW text. Start by saying ‘I can’t stop thinking about last night’, for example. If they answer back with something flirty, consider it a green light for dirty talk. This is particularly important if they’re at work or a family event. Yes, the whole ‘surprise sext’ can be hot, but you don’t want to get them into trouble.
Don’t start something you can’t finish! There’s a huge difference between playing it cool and putting them off. If you send a dirty text and then leave them turned on while you go and do your food shop, they’ll be bored and frustrated by the time you finally reply. On top of that, stay focussed! Commit to the sex talk and don’t switch from talking about how horny you are to your latest work drama.
Ah, the dreaded dick pic. Always tread carefully with nudes (that is, if you’d even like to send one). Know your audience and make sure they definitely want to see you in all your glory.
If you want to give them something visual to enjoy but don’t like the idea of sending a nude, try focussing on erogenous zones instead, such as your lips or thigh. There’s also nothing to stop you from keeping your underwear on. Sexy lingerie is always going to be well received and will force them to use their imagination.
Of course, if you don’t want to send a picture, you should never feel pressured to do so.
Sexting is a Two-Way Street
The key is in your response. Yes, even if they send you a sext so incredible you find yourself having to take a break for some “personal” time. Rather than letting them put the work in and giving the occasional ‘that sounds good’, react to what they’re saying. Tell them how turned on you are and how much you wish they were there with you. Ask what they’re fantasies are, what they want to do to you and, most importantly, what you want to do to them.
Slow and steady wins the race! Tease, flirt and introduce foreplay to your sexting. Just like the real thing, sex is so much more than just physical contact. Our senses are aroused in more ways than one; sound, sight, smell and taste all play a key part, so don’t forget to touch on these.
Knowledge is Power
If you’re yet to actually have sex, this is your chance to shine – and take notes. Use it to subtly coach them on what you like in bed and also to get an idea of what they like. Have they mentioned their favourite sex position or fantasy? Bear that in mind. Get them excited to see you and to start fantasising about what you’ll be like when it comes to the real thing.
How do you know each other? Are they someone you’ve met before? Why not tell them how sexy you thought they looked? Not only will it give them an ego boost (which everyone loves), it’ll let them know you’ve been fantasising about them long before now.
If you’re in a relationship with the person you’re messaging or you’ve hooked up before, play on previous experience and mention a kinky memory the two of you share.
Reality vs Fantasy
A sext is not a promise – and that’s part of the fun. Step outside your comfort zone and send that risky text. Sexting is just as much about turning yourself on as the other person, so you should feel excited and aroused by what you’re writing.
Sexting is all to do with imagination. Remember: they can’t see you so, if they ask what you’re wearing and you’re in your old-but-too-comfy-to-throw-away pyjamas, lie. Let them picture you lying there in a skimpy chemise or that you’ve just stepped out the shower. Similarly, if they ask what you’re doing, don’t say you’re just bored and trying to kill time while you wait for your takeaway to arrive – even if it’s true. We don’t condone lying but, for a successful sext, it’s sometimes necessary.
Saying that, don’t overstretch. Push the boundaries, but don’t claim you’ve got a 10 inch dick or the ability to do gravity-defying, yoga-style sex poses if there’s no hope of you meeting those expectations.
Have we missed anything? Let us know your favourite tips by posting a comment below!