Escaping the friend zone is no mean feat and there’s no single correct way to tell a friend you like her. However, if there’s one thing you’ve got on your side, it’s that you know her – so you’re already halfway there!
First things first, don’t panic! Getting out of the friend zone is tough but doable. If you need extra reassurance, this is coming from someone who persistently friend-zoned their boyfriend. If he can do it, so can you.
So, let’s get down to business…
Before You Make Your Move
It’s well worth getting your friend’s opinion, especially if they’re a mutual friend. They know you both individually and as a pair, so do they think you’d be good together? You never know, they may have some helpful tips to share – perhaps she’s even confided in them about you!
You need to be confident you can make this relationship work. If it fails, it can jeopardise your friendship. So, if it’s just a physical attraction and likely to be a casual fling, we suggest you get your thrills elsewhere.
Don’t Tell Her
The best way to tell a friend you like her is to not tell her (bear with us). If you blurt out your deep, hidden feelings in one go, her knee-jerk reaction will probably be to back off. By dropping subtle hints, she can figure it out herself and gradually become used to the idea.
To give her a gentle nudge, you need to work on breaking down the friend zone. An effective, easy way to do this is to invite her out on date-like settings without the ‘date’ label.
If she’s had a tough day or there’s a reason to celebrate, take her to dinner. For something more relaxed, go bowling or to a concert for a natural, fun environment. Wherever you decide to go, make sure it’s just the two of you! You don’t want any of your mutual friends gate-crashing.
If you’re usually in jeans and a hoodie when you hang out with her, make the effort to dress up. She’ll notice the difference and it’s a simple, easy way to give this non-date a date-date vibe.
While on your “date”, tone down the banter. It’s great you can have a laugh with each other (and it’s still encouraged!) but you need to stop her seeing you just as a friend. Instead, lightly flirt and gradually up the level of typical date moves; pick her up from her house beforehand and offer to pay for everything.
What’s Her Status?
Depending on her current relationship status, there are different ways to tell a friend you like her.
If she’s single and has been for a while, you can rest assured there probably isn’t anyone she’s heartbroken over – leaving the door open for you to make your move! Use your friend status to find out if she’s seeing anybody and, if the coast is clear, extend an invite to go out together.
If she’s just come out of a relationship, tread carefully. It’s likely she’s feeling fragile and you run the risk of becoming a rebound. Instead, make sure you’re there as a friend and take baby steps. She’ll appreciate you being there for her and it won’t go unnoticed.
If she’s with someone, you certainly like a challenge! For obvious reasons, this one is the most difficult. Only tell her if your feelings are too strong to stay a secret. In this case, scrap what we’ve said about going slowly. To be fair on her and also her partner, tell her how you feel. Rather than making a grand declaration of love, be honest and succinct. You’ll be putting her in a tough position, so make sure you’re completely serious about how you feel.
It takes guts to tell a friend you like her and, if the feelings aren’t reciprocated, you run the risk of your friendship breaking. Chandler and Monica created high expectations for friend-to-couple relationships and set the bar high for everyone! It won’t be easy and it may take time but persevere and hopefully you’ll be rewarded!