Imagine you’ve found the one; he’s handsome, funny and you have so much in common. You’ve made love a couple of times, he’s got all the right moves and an incredible body, but now he wants to take things to the next level – you dressing him up as a 12 year old girl called Pammy and changing his soiled diapers.
What about the perfect woman? She’s gorgeous, intelligent and sophisticated. Your parents love her, she has honourable career aspirations and she gives you the best head of your life. How then would you then feel if she confessed her ultimate desire of inviting six other guys into the bedroom for a gang rape fantasy?
Coming to terms with your partner’s unusual sexual fetish, especially one which shocks or disgusts you can be very difficult, but if you really like them and want to relationship to work you may have to find a way of accommodating their sexual preferences.
The first thing that you need to bear in mind is that it was probably just as hard for them to share their fantasy as it was for you to hear it. Coming clean about obscure sexual tastes can be nerve wracking and they’ve probably been building up the courage to tell you for a while. It’s too late now for me to say “pull the same face as the one the you pull when opening unwanted Christmas gifts”, but now that their fetish is out in the open try not to make them feel ashamed for awkward about it. A lot of people have fetishes after all.
I guess before we go any further it’s necessary to consider what their specific fetish involves. If your partner is into something illegal or morally questionable like kids, animals or corpses, then your relationship may not end in happily ever after. Likewise if their fetish involves something dangerous, unhealthy or generally disgusting like shit, vomit or cutting then you may have to ask yourself just how far you’re willing to go to make the relationship work.
For the most part however fetishes are nothing more than harmless fun; role playing, foot worship, slapping, rimming, stretching or hair pulling. Even if their fetish is something very much out of your comfort zone like pegging, golden showers or ball stretching, if you really want to be with this person you will need to exercise open mindedness.
Having an open mind is invaluable when it comes to fetish and sexual exploration. Something which you’ve always considered to be wrong, strange or disgusting may come to be one of the things you enjoy most in the bedroom. I’d definitely recommend a “don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it” mentality when it comes to sex, as, even if you don’t like it, trying it once will at least be another check off your sexual bucket list.
There really is so much fun to be had in the world of fetish once you allow yourself to redefine what you consider ‘sex’ to be. Sure Cosmo may share its “top three positions from the Kama Sutra” and Vogue may tell you what lingerie to wear next Valentine’s Day, but sex can be SO MUCH MORE than that. First and foremost sex should be FUN! There’s no harm in giggling and laughing when you’re experimenting with something new. If he wants you to lie in the bath and cover you in baked beans, fantastic! If she wants to put you on a leash and have you as her little sex puppy, brilliant! What’s the harm? You wouldn’t just eat Indian food for the rest of your life so why restrict yourself to one type of sex?
Even if your partner’s sexual fetish really does nothing for you, at least try to enjoy the fact that they’re enjoying it. You may not like having her toes in your mouth but you may get hard looking down at her moaning with pleasure. Sex is a shared experience so always endeavour to make them feel as good and as sexually liberated as possible.
Finally, what should you do if you really can’t get on board with your partner’s fetish? Now that it’s out in the open their fetish will always be an elephant in the room. You’ll forever know they’re repressing their deepest desires and they may be wondering if they can find satisfaction elsewhere. It may however be possible to find a compromise; for example, if he wants to pee in your mouth, try letting him pee on your tits. Perhaps if there’s something your partner really likes which you refuse to do you could try watching it in pornography together whilst touching each other.
Sadly though if you really can’t find a compromise or any way of accommodating their fetish then your relationship is likely to struggle or come to an end. However, my closing piece of advice is this; don’t be too quick to judge or shun your partner for what they like in the bedroom. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You can learn a lot about yourself by exploring your sexuality and the shared experience may bring the two of you closer together.
Have a great weekend.