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Golden Oldies

Over the hill and under the covers…

Generally speaking, when I walk into a retirement home, I see slippers, doilies, blankets, cups of tea and those arm chairs which curve around at the top so the old folks can fall asleep sitting up. To me, an old people’s home is probably the least sexy place on the planet; overworked carers, questionable food served on trays and docile residents discussing whether or not it’s going to rain today. To some however, a retirement complex might as well be a strip club in Las Vegas!


Gerontophilia is a term which describes a sexual preference for the elderly, or persons significantly older than one’s self. At its least extreme this term can be used almost synonymously with “MILF fetish”, but can, and does, extend into GILF territory. (For the innocent amount you, GILF is an acronym for ‘Grandma I’d Like to Fuck’, or, I suppose, ‘Grandpa’ works too).


Although a visit to an old people’s home may be a better to hear war stories than get a lap dance, there are a few kinky individuals who would get a little hot under the collar amidst the tea cosies and hearing aids. If you’re who I’m describing, you may be interested in the“Gum Job Granny Blow Up Doll”, who even comes with her own set of false teeth!

mature woman with black pillow on white bed

To break this fetish down a little further; alphamegamia describes a sexual attraction to an older man, and anililagnia a fetish for an older woman.


A fetish for older women is not at all uncommon; so often boys when they’re going through puberty and developing sexually will be attracted to one of their friend’s hot mums. Whether it’s Stacy’s Mom, Stifler’s Mom, Mrs Robinson or whichever busty mum waits at the gates of your playground, there’s just something attractive about the mature woman to teenage boys (though I shan’t delve into Freudian theory).


The term ‘MILF’ is pretty mainstream these days, though ‘yummy mummy’ is perhaps a nicer way to put it. If anything it’s a positive thing for women, meaning that once your ‘best years’ are behind you, given birth, breast fed and developed a few stress lines around the eyes, we’re still starring in the wank fantasies of boys sometimes decades younger.


To some yummy mummies, this sexual attraction is more than just flattering; it’s an opportunity to taste some young flesh. Tired of having un-energetic, passionless sex with their middle aged husbands, these women, whom we call cougars, pray on younger men for hot sex.  Taking their daydreams about the eighteen year old, ripped gardener from fantasy to reality, these women show just what experience counts for in the bedroom and it’s a win, win situation. (Well, not for her husband of course).


To look broadly at relationships in general, women have historically sought after older men for intimate relationships. Older men tend to be more mature, more experienced, possess more resources in terms of wealth and property, they have better jobs and aren’t running off to Ibiza with ‘the lads’ at every opportune moment, so women, even much younger women, can feel more stable and secure in their relationship and consider marriage and raising a family.


Sometimes referred to as silver foxes or sugar daddies, these men enjoy the company of younger women for a mutually beneficial relationship! Just like with cougars, these older guys are more sexually experienced and supposedly less selfish in the bedroom. Similarly in homosexual relationships, certain younger men are sexually attracted to older “bears”.


However, if you’re happy in a relationship with somebody a similar age to yourself, you can always experiment with a little age-play. This is a type of role play in which one or both partners pretends to be significantly older or younger as a part of a sexual fantasy.


Have a grey-t weekend!

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