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How to Have Anal Sex for the First Time

So you wanna take things backstage? Well, you’re in for a good time! A hugely exciting addition to your bedroom repertoire, anal sex offers a new type of stimulation for both partners. However, before you get started, it’s important to know how to have anal sex for the first time.

Anal sex is penetrative or external play with the anus using a penis, sex toy, fingers or tongues. Anyone can enjoy anal. Whether it’s girl-on-girl, girl-on-guy, guy-on-guy or guy-on-girl, a lot of us are at it! And it’s no wonder: intense stimulation with the thrill of doing something taboo is a massive turn on.

What’s the Big Deal?

As the passageway is tighter and smoother than vaginal sex, anal sex offers increased friction and intensified orgasms. Men also have the bonus of their super-sensitive P-spot; a walnut-sized gland located 2-3 inches inside their anus. To get all the know-how on stimulating this hot-spot, check out our guide.

Tomato that looks like a bum

Preparation is Key

Anal sex is very personal and intimate, so it’s hugely important that you both want to do it. It can be painful at first, so discuss and plan it together beforehand. This is not something to do in the heat of the moment!

Take the time to warm up both mentally and physically. The more anxious you are, the less your muscles will be able to relax. To help you adjust to the sensation, start off with a finger or a small butt plug before you attempt a penis or strap on.

You may prefer to practice on your own before you try it out with your partner. There’s a huge choice of anal sex toys designed for all tastes and preferences, so don’t be afraid to take some for a test drive! If you need help choosing, our guide to anal sex toys is sure to help.

For reasons we’re sure we don’t need to explain, cleanliness is a must for anal sex. It’s a fear that strikes in the heart of many that their poop chute will live up to its name – but don’t worry, the explosive horror stories you may have heard are very unlikely.

To put your worries at ease and simply make sure you’re clean down there, use a douche or an enema beforehand. They’re really easy to use and when the water runs clear, you’re good to go!

If you’re not in a strictly exclusive relationship, you must use a condom (however, this is still recommended for everyone). To prevent bacteria from spreading, don’t switch between anal or vaginal penetration without putting on a new condom or thoroughly cleaning your penis. You can’t mix ‘n’ match between holes, so keep things clean, people!

Photo of woman's bottom wearing red lace underwear

It’s All About Lube

Lube will be your best friend for anal. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t naturally lubricate itself and saliva just isn’t going to cut it. Without lube, you run the risk of causing painful tears in the anus or ripping the frenulum of the penis (i.e. snapping your banjo), so use it – lots of it!

A water-based lubricant can be used for anal sex and is also compatible with silicone sex toys, should you be using be one. However, it doesn’t have a very thick consistency so expect to reapply it several times.

A silicone lubricant is a popular choice as it’s thicker and more durable. It may damage silicone or jelly toys, however, so it’s best to save it for intercourse.

Anal lubricants often contain a desensitising agent to reduce sensitivity around the anus. As the head of the penis is the widest part, initial penetration can cause a ‘ring sting’. This type of lube can relieve discomfort while still maintaining the pleasurable sensations of anal sex.

Bondara Anal Relax Lubricant

Afterwards, don’t be shocked if you’re more windy than usual. Air is pushed into the anus during penetration and ‘bum queefs’ are that air escaping! It’s not the sexiest part of anal but it doesn’t always happen, so don’t let it put you off.

…and that’s it! If you hate it, you’re under no obligation to do it again. Saying that, take the time to explore what you do and don’t like and feel free to switch things up to make it work for you. Anal sex is meant to be fun so enjoy yourself!

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