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A beginner’s guide to Fisting

An act of intense trust and one that can lead to incredible orgasms and a deeper bond between you and your partner; Fisting often gets a bad rep by the uninformed as a violently penetrative sexual practice that damages delicate tissues.

Done correctly (and most importantly, willingly) with time, patience and a good quality lube nothing could be further from the truth. Whether you’re the recipient or the giver and whether you’re engaging in vaginal or anal play, fisting is a slow process that can be amazingly pleasurable.

So let’s assume that both you and your partner are interested in adding fisting to your bedroom repertoire but you’re not sure where to start. To begin with, we’ll start with a disclaimer: fisting won’t be to everyone’s tastes but if you and your partner want to try it, you should. Both the tissue of anus and the vagina (vagina in particular) are incredibly stretchy and provided you use plenty of lube and go slow you won’t damage yourself. Fisting may be a little uncomfortable and an unusual feeling at first but it should never ever hurt. If it hurts; STOP.

Regardless of sexual orientation, there are men and women who enjoy fisting. Some women love vaginal fisting but hate anal, some love anal but hate vaginal, some love both. The important thing to remember is that you should completely trust your partner and be able to tell them exactly how you’re feeling every step of the way. If you’re shy and uncommunicative in the bedroom, fisting is probably not for you.

With all that preamble out of the way, let’s begin shall we? This Beginners Guide To Fisting applies to men and women and both vaginal and anal fisting as essentially the technique is the same. Where there are any little tips or tricks for one in particular, we’ve outlined them…

Rule 1: Cut your nails and wash your hands

You’d think it was obvious really, but long nails will more than likely catch your delicate internal skin and make fisting a sore experience. Plus if you cut yourself internally then there’s a greater risk of STI transmission. Trim your talons and file them right down before even attempting to fist your partner. Always wash your hands with a pH balanced antibacterial soap. Even better, get yourself a pair of latex gloves that will cover any rough skin and also help your chosen lube last even longer. 

Rule 2: Foreplay

Fisting requires some warm-up. The receiver in particular will need to be really turned on for fisting to even be a possibility.

Rule 3: Lube, lube, lube. Then some more lube

Lubrication. This is absolutely the key to successful and pleasurable fisting. Liquid Silk Lube is a great tool for fisting as it’s long-lasting, water-based (so won’t damage latex gloves) and comes in a pump bottle so you can add plenty more during. If you’re going for vaginal fisting, regardless of how wet she feels, you will need more lubrication. Lots more. With anal fisting you’ll need even more than that as the anus doesn’t self-lubricate. A good rule of thumb is that every time you insert another finger into your partner, add another squeeze of lube.

Rule 4: Slow and Steady wins the race

Once your partner is good and aroused you should try slipping a well lubed finger or two into them. Of course you’ll want to keep their arousal going throughout so don’t just try and shove more and more fingers in there; stimulate them! Progress to three fingers, add more lube. Talk to you partner. If three is enough, then three fingers it is. Don’t expect that the first time you try fisting you’ll be trying out some porn-star moves in mere minutes; you may of course, but chances are it’ll take several different attempts before you’re both relaxed and turned on enough for the recipient’s body to cooperate.

Once you’ve got three fingers comfortably inside your partner, if they want you to continue, try four. Remember to keep your fingers really close together. Enjoying 4? Want to try the whole hand? Apply more lube and try inserting your thumb too. Scrunch up your fingers and thumb together with your thumb as flat as possible against your palm and give your partner time to relax into the sensation. If they want you to stop, stop immediately. Don’t just wrench your fingers out, slowly retract them to avoid catching their skin.

If you’ve managed to get all 4 fingers and your thumb inside your partner up to the knuckle then you may wish to continue down to the wrist. The width of your hand doesn’t change much once you’ve got to the knuckles but still continue to add lube where necessary and take it slow. Having an entire fist inside you is an incredibly intense experience so always let your partner dictate what happens next, if anything.

Twisting your hand slightly or asking your partner to bear down (thus opening themselves more fully) can help to ease your fisting path but it can take some practice to get the correct route for each individual.

Assuming you’ve got your entire hand inside your partner, if they’re comfortable, you can allow your fingers to naturally curl and form a tight fist. Be guided by your partner. Some people want you to make a fist, others will prefer you to keep your hand and fingers straight. Some people will want you to stay still inside them, others will want you to literally fist fuck them. Listen to your partner- have we said that enough yet?

The Final Rule

If you’re the Fister rather than the Fistee then your exit should be as slow as your entry. Make your hand as small as possible and remove a finger at a time as you retract from your partner. Don’t just pull your hand out- even if they ask you to stop- always take your time to carefully remove your hand and fingers.

 

Got all that? Good? We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences of fisting in the comments below. Have we missed something out of this guide? Tell us!

 

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