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Hard Limits and Edgeplay

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When it comes to BDSM or even sex in general we all have our hard limits, i.e., something(s) that we absolutely will not do. For some, a hard limit may very conservative, whereas for others doing just about anything in the bedroom is okay.

A couple of months ago I was on a group hike and found myself chatting with a thirty-something year old South American girl. She told me that she refuses to have sex in the doggy style position because it’s degrading, disconnected and animal-like. Another friend of mine however recently showed me a Tinder conversation that he’d been having the previous day and it went a little something like this;

Him: “Are you into golden shower?”

Her: “Yes, that’s hot.”

Him: “Can I shit on you?”

Her: “You can do anything to me.”

Sure, it could have been a troll, but some people really are into scat!

So clearly people draw the “dirty” line in very different places, but there are certain activity(ies) that are universally regarded as extreme within the BDSM community. Any act that could be dangerous or potentially harmful is known as “edgeplay” and may or may not be a hard limit, depending on the individual. Edgeplay can also include mental manipulation which could lead to psychological damage.

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Edgeplay activities are outside the realms of SSC play (safe, sane and consensual), however, if the participants are aware of all the risks involved then the act will be considered RACK (risk-aware consensual kink).

Edgeplay behaviors include –

  • Sexual choking or breathplay (erotic asphyxiation or auto erotic asphyxiation)
  • Fire play or extreme heat play (hot wax, branding)
  • Knife play, cutting, blood play
  • Gun play
  • Extreme beating
  • Water boarding
  • Scat play (faeces)
  • Puke play or forced vomiting
  • Rape roleplay

Barebacking (sex without a condom) may also be regarded as edgeplay as you’re putting yourself at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.

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So why might someone wish to experiment with edgeplay activities?

Well for some it will be psychological and they enjoy the thrill and adrenaline rush associated with said risky behavior. For others it may simply be masochism; some people enjoy the physical sensation of pain.

Individual fetish can also play a part in edge play. For instance, a man with a fetish for obese women may enjoy being trampled or crushed by the weight of her enormous body. This would be painful and potentially harmful but the experience would none the less satisfy his sexual urges.

The motivation for partaking in edgeplay can also vary depending on the specified act. For instance if performed correctly, erotic asphyxiation can result in an intense head rush which, if combined with orgasm, can be a phenomenal, out-of-this-world experience.

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So, what do you need to know before indulging in edgeplay?

Before consenting to any risky, painful or potentially harmful activity(ies) it is of paramount importance that you know and trust the person that you’re about to engage in said activity(ies) with. Ideally this person will be someone with whom you’ve been intimate with previously and they understand your mind and body. Knife play should not a first date deal.

Secondly it is very important that you have a safe word. Sometimes in BDSM and roll play saying no doesn’t mean no and is actually part of the fun. For instance, if your ultimate fantasy is to be “raped” then saying no will be a part of the roll play, that’s why it’s important to have a special word to let your partner know when the experience has become too intense or too painful and you’d like for it to stop.

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Your safeword shouldn’t be any word that you may utter naturally in the bedroom, it should be something completely obscure like “banana” or “Boris Johnson” so that it stands out from other sexual dialogue.

So if you’d like to take your sex life to the next level and experiment with a little edgeplay then always remember to be sensible and risk-aware. In some extreme cases edgeplay has proven to be fatal so precautionary measures are essential when dealing with this level of kink.

See you next week x

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