As children, we avoid things that scare us, be that sleeping without a night light, diving into the pool or going anywhere near the neighbour’s dog, so why is it that in adulthood, fear can become a sexual fetish?
When we’re scared, we experience a rush of adrenaline, and adrenaline is like a drug – it makes us feel ALIVE. Fear is exhilarating; your heart begins to race, your pupils dilate and you experience a sudden boost of energy. For this reason, we sky-dive, we ride jet skis, we scuba dive with sharks – and we fuck people who completely overwhelm and intimidate us.
For some, sex is nothing without fear; these people need that adrenaline rush, the fear of danger or pain… Fear as a sexual fetish comes in two main forms; doing things that scare us and fucking people who scare us.
Ever heard a person confess that they have a crush or the strict headmaster or their absolute bitch of a boss? Often people are sexually drawn to those who they consider to be intimidating, as the fear which surrounds them makes that person seem alluring or bewitching. In a similar manner this magnetism is present in many BDSM relationships; the sub is inferior to the Dom, worthless, weak, whilst the Dom is idolised as a figure of authority, capable of inflicting pain and humiliation. A person who terrifies us may appeal to our inner masochist.
In the book Fifty Shades of Grey, Anastasia is somewhat afraid of Christian – not in a physical sense, rather, she was extremely intimidated by him. At the beginning of the book we experienced her angst, how she felt nervous, clumsy and cumbersome in Mr Grey’s office. When we perceive a person to be intimidating or powerful we may be come infatuated or obsessed with that person.
If you’re in a relationship then hopefully you’re not afraid of your partner, so how can you emulate the adrenaline rush associated with terror without visiting a scary Dominatrix? Fear fetishism is a great opportunity to engage in a little role play – perhaps your partner could pseudo-kidnap you from a dark alleyway, restrain your arms and gag you, or dress up as a fierce police officer.
Horror role play could also be something fun to try, by dressing up as a zombie or vampire – it’s amazing how terrifying a little makeup and fake blood can be. The story of Dracula is a perfect example of where fear and sexual fantasy overlap; the author of the tale dreamt of a blood-sucking monster, but said monster was also a figure of lust, sneaking onto her chamber in the dead of night to use her vulnerable body.
However, fear as a part of sexual play can be more about what you’re doing than who you’re doing it with. The fear of being whipped, beaten or degraded can be a very powerful aphrodisiac; the idea of being tied up as your Dom drips hot wax down the length of your torso or canes your ass raw may instil fear but is none the less exciting.
They say a big part of fear is the unknown, be that meeting a stranger or not knowing what’s in a dark room. It may be exciting to create a sense of the unknown by removing one or more of your partner’s senses; this will also mean that all other senses are heightened. With a sensory deprivation hood your partner would be unable to see or hear anything you’re doing, only feel the way in which you chose to inflict pleasure or pain.
So if you would like to feel the fear this weekend it may be as simple as a little role play or experimenting with BDSM.