For just one week every year the slaves crawl out of their dungeons, Mistresses peel off their black latex corsets and kinky folk from all over the country swap rope, chains and whips for sun, sea and sand.
With a trembling palm the weary slave coats his pale, welted skin with factor 40 sun cream, whilst silently longing for the safety of his cage…
I kid, I kid.
But it’s summer time, whooooo! That means bikinis, tequila, ice cream, neon nail polish, BBQs hangovers and regrettable tattoos.
We all feel a little more romantic and sexual during our summer holidays. There are no stressful work deadlines, no evenings wasted in rush hour traffic and no weekends ruined by horrible British weather. Instead we have beautiful beaches, unlimited alcohol and plenty of time to work on a sexy summer tan.
You probably won’t need much inspiration to make your vacation a naughty one, but here are a few ideas to really spice up your holiday, even if your tastes are a little more risqué;
1, Go skinny dipping.
Okay let’s start off with an easy one – skinny dipping. Although skinny dipping isn’t necessarily sexual, it sure feels great to be naked with a lover, friends or even strangers and run into the ocean. Just be sure not to get arrested! Skinny dipping may not be a big deal in Magaluf but you could get in a lot of trouble in Malaysia.
2, Be the perfect submissive.
Wear something revealing, fetch cold drinks and make sure that every inch of your partner’s body is covered in sun cream… Just because you’re not in the bedroom doesn’t mean you can’t be a good little sub. Take some BDSM to the beach and make your vacation more exciting. Just save the flogging, gagging and hardcore humiliation for the hotel room.
3, Sex on the beach.
This may sound clichéd but sex outdoors can definitely be a lot of fun. There is something truly liberating about being free and sexual in the great outdoors and the risk of getting caught just adds to the adrenaline rush… though actually, I WAS once caught by a local who’d been hiding in a bush. When I spotted him I screamed, jumped up and we both ran away traumatised. I guess I’m not an exhibitionist.
4, Join the mile high club.
Another cliché perhaps but definitely one to cross off the bucket list is joining the mile high club. I’m honestly not sure how people manage to pull this off as, whenever I’m on a plane, which is quite often, there’s always a queue of tired parents and woozy travellers, not to mention that the cubicle is 3 feet wide. If you actually do manage to join the mile high club then really, kudos!
5, Try a ménage à trios.
If you’ve ever fantasised about a threesome then your summer holiday may be the perfect time make it a reality. People tend to be a lot more liberal and easygoing on vacation, so finding someone to join you in the bedroom may not be too difficult after you’ve all had a few glasses of sangria. What’s more, you don’t have to worry about the threesome affecting your relationship, or anyone back home finding out as you’ll never see that person again.
Most women go for a bikini wax before their summer holidays, but why not try something more interesting? This summer, try a new do down below; the Brazilian, the Hollywood, the Harry Potter… that’s a lightning bolt of course. (Nah, I just made that up.) Better still, why not let your partner shave you? Intimate shaving can be a very sensual, sexual experience. Pubic styling isn’t just for women however; men can get creative down there too. I would dissuade the use of rhinestones or “vajazzling” during daylight hours though; bikini-line bling won’t last long in the swimming pool.
7, Temperature play.
Hot and steamy summer sun is the perfect climate for a little temperature play. One night… or day (you might as well have sex 24/7 on holiday), try adding some ice into your foreplay. Using ice on the erogenous zones and genitals can feel amazing – you could even use a fruity ice lolly or ice cream to make oral sex tastier. If you’re organised enough to take sex toys on holiday then leave your glass, metal or ceramic dildo in the freezer while you’re by the pool for lots of icy fun when you return.
8, Live out your role play fantasy.
You’re in a country where nobody recognises you, nobody knows your mum and hopefully no one is going to put photos on Facebook – so take advantage of the anonymity. If you’re really into sexual role play games in the bedroom, dare to wear them out and about… within reason. I don’t think a gimp suit would be appropriate attire for a family run restaurant in Tenerife, but it may be fine in certain Ibiza nightclubs. Naval officer, airline pilot or naughty school girl are perhaps safer options to try.
Wherever you’re jetting off to this summer I hope you have a fantastic holiday and spend plenty of time in the bedroom… or shower, hot tub, pool, sun lounger, airplane bathroom…
Just don’t hide a 14 inch dildo in your partner’s hand luggage – that’s mean!
Bon Voyage x